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Just me and my life.



Bituwin - template
Dementee - image

Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

Hit counter code here

2010年8月30日星期一
他x的!

太好了~
本来以为昨天比较有精神,可以去上班,还一直自信满满的。

怎知早上醒来,头晕晕的,连走路都有点苦难,更何况还要驾车。
勉强走到餐桌前吃早餐,喝橙汁。
却发现越来越不行。
整颗脑袋好像随时都会蹦出来。
眼睛也一直睁不开,鼻子还在折磨着我。

最后忍不住了,发了简讯给上司说真的不行,不能上班。
幸亏上司好心,也答应了。
看完简讯就直接躺在沙发上睡了。
一直到11点多才起身。

真的太厉害了。
昨天明明都要好了的,早上起身却给我来个样。
仿佛不让我去上班似的。
真的太棒了!
少赚了一天的钱。
加上还要还表姐钱,我这次打工好像都没什么赚到。

都不懂今年到底惹了谁,害我一直生病。
他x的,搞到老娘好像很弱,很经不起风雨。
讨厌啦~~~

老娘会证明我是坚强的。
我会成为铁打的!
*
早上还躺在沙发睡觉,突然被一同电话吵醒。
原来是我参加社团团长。
她说我有整个礼拜都没有参加任何会议或活动。
所以打来想问问看。

我解释说那是因为我有打工,而且我都有通知说我无法出席。
然而她却说,不是打来要给压力,只是想提醒我,我现在还是在试用期,应该知道我的责任在哪里。
也考虑要调我的岗位。

我真的不知该怎样回应她。
只是从头到尾一直在,是是是是,对不起对不起对不起,我知道我知道我知道。
唉~
当时整个人都不是在状态内。
真的很糟糕。

挂了电话,也无法入睡了。
脑海在慢慢回想刚刚说了什么。
才发现,原来我是那么没用。
时间管理那么差。
怪不得社长还要亲自自己拨电来。

生病了还要应付这种事。
我都不懂该怎样反应过来。
只是傻傻地望着墙壁,坐在沙发上,什么都没做。

是啊~
还不是我全部自己拿来的。
要参加社团是我自己的选择,要去打工也是我的选择。
然而在下定决心之前,我应该要好好规划时间的安排。
而不是一而再,再而三地给理由不出席。

生病了也要费尽心思去看透自己。

只能说,以后要醒目一点。
也不要那么贪心。。。
*
跟你说个笑话吧~
话说,他才到台湾半年而已。
算起来,他还有一年多的时间才毕业,然后返马。
可是很多人却已经开始问我了,你的他回来了吗?

有时想逗逗他们,就会说,是啊,回来了。
而有时不想欺骗他们,就说,天啊,他才去了半年,才刚刚读完第一期。

哈哈~
想必那些人比我好要更想念他。
想要他回来。
有时都错觉到底谁在等谁。

怎样都好,都真的很开心有人会关心他。
也谢谢那些给予鼓励和安慰的。

亲爱的,是不是很开心叻~
有时都不是我在数日子,反而是那班朋友在算。
每次都会小小提醒我。
我在这里都很好。
除了生病,和上面的问题之外,我都很好。
没什么惊天动地的事发生。
我会在这里等你的。

我想你哦~

2010年8月28日星期六
I hate 2010!

Urgh~
Not again?!
Sick again?!

This is so sickening.
Havent been felt healthy since the beginning of this year.
This is not cool and bad for me.

Haiz~
Feeling headache, having flu, toothache, my eyes look dull, i'm weak.
That's how i'm feeling right now.

Urgh~
Health o health, where are you?
*
Yesterday went out for shopping.
I know, in this condition, still went out for shopping?
Haha~
Well, i do agree that shopping is women best friends.

But no, i was out hunting for a pair of high heels and a dress.
And yes, at the end of the day i got it.
I will try to post some pictures up.
Sorry, not feeling well now.

Well, the hunting for shoes was easy.
But the dress was so hard.
Why?
I was too skinny.
None of the dress looks good when even i'm trying on the S size.
Especially the back.
Most of the dress were loose at the back, making it look not nice.
Haiz~

But then finally i found one.
Thank Buddha.
It was nice and i kinda love it.
Combining with the high heels, it was a perfect match.

Though spent for almost 100+, i guess it's kinda worth.
Plus, it's mega sales now, and the whole shopping mall is in a crazy sales.
Go grab some before 16 September.
^^
*
Oh Buddha, even i'm sick now, still cant get him of my mind.
I know i'm crazy now.
But ignore me.
That's how i feel right now.
Hehe~

Dear, i've been missing you for the whole day...

2010年8月26日星期四
美丽的一天

刚从一间韩国bbq餐厅回来。
那边的食物真的是正宗的韩国style。

从上菜,那些盘碟筷子汤匙,到它的料理都十足韩国fu。
说起来,仿佛就在韩国吃着晚餐。
价钱方面就不是很清楚,因为是同事付的,还买跟我们算好。

其实今晚最主要的目的就是要欢送其中一位同事。
她啊~虽然跟她不是很熟,可是偶尔还会闲聊几句。
但我喜欢她的笑容。
因为无论什么时候,我都看到她的笑容。
只要经过她身边,或者看着她在埋头处理事情,都会看到她的笑容。
真的很美。
而且也很舒服。

虽然她就要离开公司了,真的很不舍。
公司从此就少了一位很爱笑的了。
但生活还必须得过,公司一样还要运作。
只希望她往后一切顺利。
=)
*
哎哟~
30号就要交学费了。
感觉好像又要穷了。
不喜欢这个感觉。

Ptptn已经进了钱进我的户口。
看到那笔数目,还真的蛮希望是给我自己的。
但事实就是事实。
它始终都是我的学费。
而且我还要自己再帖。

每次说到钱的问题,我就会显得有点吝啬。
不是因为我不肯花钱,而是我常常会被自己的内心给责骂到无法形容。
常常会责问自己,为何要花掉这笔钱,为何就不能省省来完成自己的目标。
唉~
真的很可悲。
我会怕了我自己。

钱啊~
真的是一个诅咒的物品。
大家都会为了它而改变。
无论是生活上,还是态度上,往往大家都会露出了人的本性。

我还是要开始节制自己了。
不能再这样下去了。
真的很悲哀。
下次就要狠一点。
要就要,不要就不要。
来啦~~~
*
呵呵~
每天都在倒数日子。
现在的我,比以前接近考试时更厉害数日子。

哎哟~
因为他啊,今天本来有个帅哥上来与我跟表姐聊天。
可是我就是一句都听不下去。
就是不能好好地专心与他沟通。
(好啦~人家是一间餐馆的老板,看上去好像只要27+而已。有样貌的哦~)
我就是打了招呼,过后就一直看着电视了。
那位帅哥说了什么,我都没注意听。

我还在心里小小声的说了一句:“哎哟~要不是有了他。。。”
都不知是该喜还是忧。
哈哈~

我亲爱的他啊,你看看,你的魅力就是那么厉害。
能让我忘了有个帅哥在跟我聊天。
害我不能好好的专心沟通。
你说,该怎么办? xP
哈哈~

可是,我还是很想念你哦~

2010年8月24日星期二
You can ignore this post.

So it's Tuesday now.
24th of August 2010.

How damn fast it is.7 more days till Merdeka.
7 more days and we're saying goodbye to August.
It's just so fast.

But i'm doing cool now.
For now, i'm enjoying my so-called "Sem Break".
Bravo~ only one week sem break, and there's a final assignment to rush.
How wonderful it's that.

Still, i dont give a damn to it.
I'm still busy going to work.
Working like there's no time limit at all.
Everyday i'll be in the office around 8.30am.
Then i'll be busy like hell.

Trust me.
When you are working in a company like i am now, you will know how it's feel.
Everything must in the fast pace.
Everything must be accurate.
Everything must be done by deadline.
Everything must be in the way they supposed to be.You cant slow down for a bit.
You cant talk softly when you are in a rush.
You cant panic when something went wrong.
You cant take the blame when someone is scolding you.

This is an office life.This is what we will faced in the future.
It might be a lil harsh now, still it's a pathway that we will be...
*
Money money money.
This is my problem now.

Well, i'm not officially broke yet.
I still got some figures in my bank account.
Just my wallet is getting thinner and thinner.And i just cant seem to reject the temptation.

I admit that i might be a bit mean in money issue.
And i always try not to spend too much.
Either sharing or just forget it.
What makes me like this?
I guess it was because i want to go somewhere with my own ability.
With my own savings.
I always envy those who can spend without thinking twice.
It was as if the money will come naturally to them.

And to those who can earn much.
Who had high salary.Or married to a rich family.

Hehe~
I know it seems so wrong here.
But i dont blame it.
I think it's human nature.
You will start envy the others when you cant get what you want.

Gee~
Still, i need to change my attitude.
This is so not nice and not cool at all.
I just need to work hard and save hard, spend less, reject temptation, stop giving reason to myself.
I just need money...
*

2010年8月22日星期日
宝贝力宏!!!

我的天啊~
今天下午六点半,我的宝贝力宏来到了马来西亚。
而且他只做了全马唯一一场的公开活动。
天啊~
这种机会,我哪能错过呢?

所以,中午12时,就约了表姐,朋友和同事一块到1 Utama。
到了那边,还真的有点不敢相信。
才中午而已叻,那个队伍已经排到超长的!

不过我们还是依据我们的计划,去看了《恋爱通告》。
在戏院,我的心又脆了。
看到最后王力宏跟刘亦菲接吻的那一幕,还是忍不住尖叫了。
T.T

然后我们就到下面排队。
天啊~
真的超夸张。
也做了些刺激的行为。

本来只是限于一张专辑,只能一人进去现场。
当时现场有卖他的专辑,很多人买了都进现场。
可是我一想到台湾那边已经有了一张,就不买了。
后来同事就提议,不如他们进去先,过后在一个地方交给我们,这样我们就能在门口光明正大地进去了。
计划当然成功啦~
为了我的力宏,什么都可以做!

人潮后来也越来越多。
我们就被挤在中间里面。
当中只是感觉到一股热气,幸亏偶尔还会传来凉风。

等着等着,不知不觉已经六点半了。
宝贝力宏也出场了。
天啊~
他真的好帅哦~
而且现场的功力还真的不赖。
虽然只是短短的一首歌,就开始了签专辑。

而我们呢,就因为挤在里面太闷热了,就跑了出来。
我还差点气喘发作呢~
胸口整个闷且痛。
想发声说话都有点辛苦。
我们就赶紧到一间餐厅坐下来,点吃晚餐。
喝了杯水,也比较冷静了,也能发声说话了。

我们没有逗留很久啦~
我们后来也回家了。
不过还是要对宝贝力宏说声,谢谢。

谢谢你今天的到来。
我真的很感动。
虽然没能上台跟你亲自传达信息给你,也无法正面地对你微笑。
可是我真的感动,而且也有了动力去达成我的目标。
你真的是太好看了!哈哈~
最后,你一定要好好照顾自己哦~
不要累坏了,因为你真的瘦了。

*
现在的心情还是有点澎湃。
无法入睡。
不过整个人已经被磨累了,相信待会儿是直接上床睡了。

说来,这次出席这场签唱会,心里的压力也少少减少了些。

说起来,我不是很喜欢2010年。
很多事情都发生。
有愉快的,有遗憾的。
但感觉上,悲伤的占据好多。

我很讨厌这个生活,也从来不是我最向往。
因为整个人仿佛很脆弱,那么一点点就被打败了。
而且还不能重振棋风。
我不喜欢这个的我。
我比较喜欢曾经那么坚强的我。

但那个坚强的我,已经身在何处了。
我是否该放下一切去展开一个旅程。
慢慢地把那个坚强的我,找回来。
那个坚强的我是多么地潇洒且自由。
不会因为小小的失误而自责一整天。
原来,我那么崇拜那个坚强的我。

也许真的是长大了。
很多事情都看到了,感受到了。
心灵的坚强就慢慢地隐藏起来。
可能失望了,悲哀了,叹气了,生活还是得过。

我还好吧~
是的。
你还是不用担心。
我只是在发泄。
只是在寻找,曾经的我。。。
*
昨天又被他弄哭了。
而且还一发不可收拾。
别误会啦~不是吵架,也不是他骂我啦~
只是我们都有了个心灵的交谈。
哈哈~

经过昨天的聊天,我知道我可以百分百地相信他。
而且是永久性的。

无可否认,他在那边已经有半年了。
在这半年的日子里,难免会想很多。
也会开始怀疑自己。
偶尔他会安慰我,不过都只带来短暂的效果。

昨天了以后,我当然不敢保证那些想法是否还有出现。
但有点我很自信地说,我是不会开始问自己是否值得。
因为我都得不到答案,答案也可能会伤了我。
但就是昨天的一番话,我已经百分百的相信他。
所以我知道,我现在唯一能做的,就是等着他回来。。。

2010年8月20日星期五
Nothing On You by B.O.B.


MusicPlaylist
Music Playlist at MixPod.com



Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
I know you feel where I’m coming from
Regardless of the things in my past that I’ve done
Most of really was for the hell of the fun
On the carousel so around I spun (spun)
With no directions just tryna get some (some)
Tryna chase skirts, living in the summer sun (sun)
This is how I lost more than I had ever won
And honestly I ended up with none
There’s no much nonsense
It’s on my conscience
I’m thinking baby I should get it out
And I don’t wanna sound redundant
But I was wondering if there was something that you wanna know
(that you wanna know)
But never mind that we should let it go (we should let it go)
Cos we don’t wanna be a t.v episode (t.v episode)
And all the bad thoughts just let them go (go, go, go)
Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn’t worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby(Not not not nothing on you babe
)
Nothing on you baby(Not not not nothing on you babe)
Hands down there will never be another one
I been around and I never seen another one
Look at your style they ain’t really got nothing on
And you out and you ain’t got nothing on
Baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxes
And you keep it real while them other stay plastic
You’re my wonder women call me mr. Fantastic
Stop.. Now think about it
I’ve been to london, I’ve been to paris
Even went out there to tokyo
Back home down in georgia to new orleans
But you always still to show (still to show)
And just like that girl you got me fro (got me fro)
Like a nintendo 64 (64)
If you never knew well now you know (know, know, know)
Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby(Not not not nothing on you babe)
Nothing on you baby(Not not not nothing on you babe)
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn’t worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby(Not not not nothing on you babe)
Nothing on you baby(Not not not nothing on you babe)
Everywhere I go I’m always hearing your name (name, name)
And no matter where I’m at girl you make me wanna sing (sing)
Weather a bus or a plane or a car or a train
No other girls in my brain and you the one to blame
Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby(Not not not nothing on you babe)
Nothing on you baby(Not not not nothing on you babe)
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn’t worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
*
Since start working, haven been a time to online.
And yes, i left work early, and that's why i'm here now.
Well, early as mean quite late in my way.
Cause i left work at 7pm.
When i'm supposed to leave at 5.30pm.
Oh well, at least i still got OT to be paid.
^^

Nothing much on work.
Am getting my rhythm back.
And people around are asking why am i here, how long will i be here yadda yadda yadda
Sometimes i feel like record it down and whenever someone ask, i just play the record.
Haha~

It's just one thing.
I mean my pace is quite slow.
Compare to last time.
Somehow i know it was me that is slow.
I tend to do it slow.
Still, i'm not quite satisfied with it.

Haiz~
Need to change it.
This is unhealthy.
Couldnt help out much...
*
Somehow i missed my course mate very much.
I dont why, but i feel like reunion with them.
Maybe they have become part of me.
And i feel happy with that.

Everyone is relax right now.
Well, i dont know some, but i know i'm the busiest one.
It's a good thing though.
They can finally relax and do the stuff they want.
Or stepping one step back to look what we've been through for the past 4 months.

I can only describe it as: crazy and wild.
Everything happens in sem1.
Everyone was not only physical, but mentally tired too.
It was a mind game to everyone.

Still in the end, you guys came to my heart deeply.
And i appreciate it very much.
It's been a pleasure study with you guys.

DMC 201004, YOU GUYS ROCK MY HEART!!!

*
Didnt chat with him for a time now.
Both of us cant comprise our time.
He's working night shift, while i'm morning shift.
When i'm off to work, he's still be sleeping/
When he's off to work, i'll probably just get off from work.

It's a bit mind challenging to both of us.
But i do believe we can bear with it.
We will outcome any circumstances.
It's only matter of time and trust.
I just do believe him...

Dear, i miss you in every single minutes...

2010年8月18日星期三
第一天

今天第一天上班。
感觉上好久没有动动身子了。
回到我之前的工作岗位,还是需要点时间来适应。
不过很快就找回了那个节奏。

这次回来,说真的,只是很短的时间。
在办公司算过了。
我只是会做5天而已。
到现在我还问我自己,干嘛要酱辛苦自己?
只是那区区地5天而已,为什么就拿来好好地休息,而在那边忙着工作?

后来因为同事的一句笑话,我开始转变了我的心态。

做工就是为了赚钱。
而我赚钱的目的,除了少用父母给我的钱,也是为了到台湾。
当时心情立刻放松了下来。
可能是因为知道自己的方向了,而不会那么常不平衡。
很感激自己能及时转换到。
不然我想我每天都会怨人怨己。
*
现在已经晚上11.47了。
可是我还在这边。
明天还要去上班。
而且我还驾车。

可是有音乐陪着我。
有雨水酝酿着气氛。
自己一个人在客厅。
任由我作什么都好,都没人理我。
当然不要妨碍到家人和邻居的睡眠。

肚子还是装着刚刚在starbucks喝的Chocolate Cream Chip。
有点撑,难进入睡眠。
想开始做功课,却找不到灵感。
心理还是不由自主地飞越了那边海。

自己在跟时间赛跑。
希望自己能快点入眠。
毕竟都是该时间休息了。

从来都不会说,因为进了college而开始学会夜睡。
反而会说这个是我的选择。
我就是做了这个决定。
后果我会自己承担的。
*
开始上班了。
也就是说要跟他聊天的机会少了。
毕竟我们两人的时间都塔不上。

可是我不后悔选择去打工,相信他也赞同。

心还是想念他。
至少现在我懂得转化那个力量来实现我的目的。
不会再让它成为我的心里的一个绊脚石。

亲爱的,我真的很开心你也懂得转化那个力量。
我知道一定会很辛苦吧~
我这里也不是一样。
每天在街上走着,还是看着身边的伴侣,我都好希望你都能在身边。
可是我知道有时我还是得面对现实。
你就是那边,而我在这边。
但我不会后悔。
因为有你。
而且你就是你。
谢谢你哦~

今天好想你哦~

2010年8月16日星期一
Happy Chinese Valentines Day

One more paper.
Just another one more paper, and i'll be free for studying till late.
Period.
Well, who cares?
Haha~

But one thing i gotta point out.
I'm only stressed for not failed and had to reseat the the test.
Unlike last time during spm.
During spm, i was stressed because i dont really fraking interested with the subjects.
But i set a high goal that i knew i wasnt possible to reach it.
Still i went on with the goal.
So i guess i now know why i always feel sorry for my spm result, it's because i never try to love the subjects.
I leave it where they were and keep pushing myself without loving it first.
Therefore i was stressed and depressed when i first got my result.

Now, i guess i've chosen the right subject.
I dont really feel stressed of dislike it.
Ok, maybe for a few chapter.
Instead i feel more relax and think that i can cooped it.

Still, it all comes down the situation where i'll facing it.
Hope my mind will settle down.
>.<
*
I've been getting late to bed recently.
Well, part of the reason is because the finals.
The other part is because i dont get tired.

Oh man~
I know this is sick.
But i just dont know why.
I wont feel tired until i'm laying on my bed.

It's true.
And there's been several times i even wonder what happened to me?
I wont feel tired nor sleepy.
I am totally fully energetic.
And trust me, i've even stay awake until 5am, still i dont sleepy at all.
Until i'm laying on the bed, then only my body is relax and tiredness start to creeps up.

It's crazy, right?
But i'm wondering.
Will it be good for my workaholic genes?
I mean it'll possible help out to done my job in once.
And that might also part of the reason why i'm getting sick frequently.
Haiz~
Buddha help me...
*
Didnt know today was Chinese Valentines Day.
Until he reminds me.
Was busy with finals, business (and i mean real business), my baby laptop.

Still, Happy Chinese Valentines Day to you dear.
Sorry for unable to chat with you today.
I will do my best in the last paper.
Dont worry about me.
I'm fine here.
And try to ignore whatever i wrote up there. xP

I miss you...

2010年8月14日星期六
想念你

哎喲~
寶貝laptop送進醫院了。
現在沒有了它,就等於沒有了音樂,而且也不能如期地完成功課。
T.T

好想念它哦~
唉~
難道寶貝已經老了?
沒可能啊~
就算老了,我每天都很細心地照顧它,絕不會讓他受到傷害。

可是現在。。。
嗚嗚~
寶貝,媽媽不是故意的。
媽媽現在很想念你。
你要乖乖聽話哦~
媽媽星期一就來接你了。
*
今天是星期六,整個人還是沒有mood讀書。
厚~
好糟糕哦~

不過心裡就是有些話想說出來。
不吐不愉快。

我們才剛要踏入sem2,可是很多戲劇性的事物卻在sem1發生了。
很多事的確不是我們能預料的。
而且也防不勝防的。
可是,為什麼我們就不能好好珍惜彼此曾經在一起的時光。

我們的班好像經歷了很多事物。
不知道的人,還以為我們已經在一起很久了。
事實上,我們只是才認識4個月。
連半年都不到。

有太多的事發生了。
我也不方便在這裡一一地舉例出來。
可是我的心還是會隱隱作痛。

每次看到我們的班都有事發生。
每次想幫忙,卻愛莫能助。
每次想給予安慰,卻不知該從哪裡開口。
知道嗎?
有時我真的好希望自己能閉上眼睛,堵著耳朵,每天只是到學院上課,什麼事都不要理。
可是我就是做不到。
因為我已經投入了感情。
而一旦感情放了,我很難要抽身不去聆聽。

說我八也好。
說我好管閒事也好。
可是我還不是只是想找個洞,想要把事情解決,然後大家安穩地讀完。

就如我一直和Nikki提到,我們才sem1而已,為何有那麼多事情發生了。
每件事都那麼地戲劇化。
每件事都會導致一段友誼破碎。
每件事都會令我心痛,想躲起來避開你們。

你們是我在一個人的時候出現的。
你們是我獨自一人決定要堅強的時候出現的。
你們是在我最需要陪伴時出現的。
你們對我來說太重要了。
我無法偏袒誰,也無法替誰做主。
我只是希望一切都能回复當初。。。
*
昨天沒什麼和他聊到天。
可是在Facebook發現了東西。
我的寶貝力宏專輯!
哈哈~

是啊~
是他幫我預購的。
而且還特地寄了樣東西回來。

說真的,有時他為我做這麼多,會讓我有點心慌。
我會開始擔心,我缺少了創意細胞,也對電腦的某些軟件很笨,什麼驚喜都不能給。
我也不善於安排事物,沒有勇氣聽到別人拒絕我,導致腦海裡很多的計劃都破滅了。

你可以說是我多心。
或許你也可以說,這是本來都是他的義務。

可是我不喜歡這種感覺。
彷彿我很沒有用。
那麼一點點小小的事物都辦不成。
而且還虧我會心虛。

唉~
親愛的,我就是這麼地笨吧~
什麼都不會。
就只是會等著你給我的驚喜和安全感。
我就只會那麼一件事。
那就是每天都想你。。。

2010年8月12日星期四
Buddha~~~

Ok.
One down, two to go.

Yesterday had my very first exam in college.
And boy, how shall i describe it?
I've got no words for it.

I mean i dont really know what i was writing about.
I can strongly feel thay my points were messy.
I'm afraid that the lectures will feel frustrated when he/she is marking my paper.
Sorry, but i wasnt mean to do that.

Haiz~
I really hate exam.
They never made me feel proud once.
I always cant performance well during exam.
As if like something was blocking my mind to think of any points.
I dont like it.
I mean i can do very well if it's just a normal question or tutorial.
But whenever the word "EXAM" is printed on the paper, i'm doom.

Buddha, why is this happening to me?
I dont want this.
I want to perform well and make everyone happy.
Please help me...
*
Oh gosh~
Not again?!
Why is this happening?!

Havent felt so well since i came back from the concert.
I mean, ya, i thought i was yelling too hard and hurt my throat a lil.
I hadnt been feel well with my throat.
And now, i can feel that i'm getting sick.
Argh~ FML!

I hate 2010.
I dont feel healthy at all.
I've been sick since the starting of 2010.
Till now, i'm sick constantly.
And this is not good.
><
Kill me...
*
Haha~
I cant keep myself calm whenever i'm standing in front of the calendar.
I will start countdown till the day he's back.
(Even though he's still unsure about the date)

He always will solve my problem whenever i need him.
No matter how he did it, he just will.
He's like a magician in my life.
Thank Buddha for bringing him to my life.

I miss you...

2010年8月10日星期二
加油!

终于都把报告给呈现了!
yahooooooooooooo~~~
历经了几天的夜睡,还到安邦,朋友家过夜,一些戏剧化的事情,终于这一切也结束了。
现在只需专心在考试上,拿给满意的成绩回来就可以了。

要首先感谢我的组员们,谢谢他们的合作和包容,还有提供建议和意见。
真的辛苦你们了。
有时还得承受的被压力折磨时的样子。
或者我一直挑三拣四出他们的论点,缺点和该包庇的地方。
不过最后我们还是呈现出蛮亮眼的报告。

这次的报告呈现也是我做过最满意的一次。
至少比上次还来得欢喜多了。
压力虽然还是有找上门来,还把我头脑给搞砸,不过最后还是强迫自己冷静下来才能完成的。

在班上,很多人都埋怨自己的报告呈现都不如意。
可是在我看来,大家都做到最好。
而且都很有心计在做着。
虽然有些真的很明显是最后一分钟,不过你们都做到最好了。
或者是说,你们都在尽力了。

现在就把它放在脑后吧~
开始专心明天的考试了。
加油!
*
刚刚有说到压力嘛~
最近都真的在压力作战。

当我不能整理我的思绪,当脑海里突然涌入很多画面时,当发现自己不能重组一段句子时,当自己不再是自己时,我就知道压力来了。
目前所暂时遇到的,都是短期压力。
很快能就整理思绪,很快就能挡掉所有画面,很快就强迫自己讲话来转移注意力。

可是长期的,我就只好让它顺其自然。
至少不要干扰到我的生活作息。
也可以说,不要干扰到目前手头上的事物。

音乐,聊天,发呆,电视,呐喊,发脾气,深呼吸,微笑,大笑,自责,超速。。。
都是我发泄/减低压力的方法。
最近比较依赖音乐的辅助。
有时过了一段时间,都忘了自己是在和压力作战。
可是不知不觉,它又会慢慢侵蚀你。

真的蛮恐怖的一样东西。
可是我知道,我还有很多方法来与它对抗的。
*
近期可能会与他很少机会聊天了。
现在要专心考试。
考完后,就要做工了。
还是回到我表姐公司那边啦~

可能一个月里,要聊天的机会都只是那三四天。

可是已经慢慢习惯了。
习惯开始什么事都得靠自己来振作起来。
习惯开始期待自己能创造什么惊喜出来。
习惯开始要有对自己的欲望。
习惯开始凡事都要自己来承担。
习惯开始就算没有他,我也得带着微笑地过日子。
习惯开始回忆只是偶尔会出现。

不过我还是会很想念他。
还是会担心他。
还是会等着他的消息。
还是会敞开心胸地对他撒娇。
还是会忍不住跟他说废话。
还是会对他埋怨心中的不满。
还是会衷心地为他祈祷。
还是会希望他一切都顺利。

亲爱的,我真的很想你的。。。

2010年8月8日星期日
Stress had been relief...

It's all started like this.
I guess it was Wednesday.
My cousin rang me and asked me.
Cousin
Me
"Hey, do you want to go watch The Fishball?"
"What? Fishball? What's so interesting to watch fishball?"
"They came from Hong Kong. And i got tickets that worth rm288 for FREE!!!"
"Woa~ What fishball is it? So expensive. Still need to buy ticket and go see."
"Wait! Are you saying fishball?"
"Ya. That's what you said."
"Lol~ It's THE BIG FOUR! With William Su, Dicky Zhang, Andy Hui and Edmond Leung. Not FISHBALL!"
"Oh~ BIG FOUR! But i dont know them..."
"Aiyo~ Got free ticket. Somemore it's worth rm288. Such a great chance and you want to slip it. Come on~"
"But..."
"Come lah~ Free ticket that worth rm288!"
"Errr... Ok ok lah~ I'll go."
"Ok. Then i'll pick you up on Saturday. See you then."

Ya. So in the end i was forced to go watch them.
Before the day, i've try to listen to their songs.
Fyi, i dont really listen to cantonese songs.
So i forced myself to listen to it.
Turns out their songs were not bad.
Everyone of them were such a great singer.

Of course i told myself, treat it as a chance to relief your stress.
No harm at all.
It's such a perfect timing.

So, on Saturday, everything was prepared, waiting for cousin to come and fetch me.
On the way to Stadium Bukit Jalil, just realised they are having it in the indoor stadium.
I was quite shocked.
Because indoor stadium was quite small compare to outdoor stadium.
But, well, i dont really care, i was just going to relief everything inside my heart and mind.

The concert started at 8.30pm.
All i remember after that, i was screaming like mad.
Trust me, people will certainly think i am their biggest fans.
Haha~
Even though i cant really sing along throughout the concert, i'd still enjoy the performance.
It was brillant.
Especially when they are talking bad stuff about each other.
And some funny videos.
Haha~
Things went high when it's almost reaching the end.
Me and cousin and some the friends were standing up and shouting.
I totally forgot that i wasnt even their fans.
And damn, i shout until my head hurts.
And now, today, i got a little husky voice.
It's sexy, man. ^.^

Going to a concert really is a great way of letting go your stress.
You can shout and jump and do crazy stuff.
No one will ask you to stop or behave yourself.
Well, there might be people giving you the eye, still it cant stop you.
You are enjoying the whole process, so why bother?
Hehe~
*
3 more days till finals.
And still i cant feel the tension.
Is it a good sign?

I mean, yes, i've been studying.
I've been doing all those past year question.
But it's all seems like a routine.
I mean i cant feel the tension nor the competition.
It's like everything will go in the smooth.

I really dont know whether it's a good sign or not.
Hope everything will turn out to be a good thing.
><
*
I dont know if whether it was me that made him mad yesterday.

Sometime i really wish i shouldnt talk so much.
Too much talking will hurt someone in the end.
And i've hurt him and my family enough.
I feel stupid.
FML!
Whenever the feeling strucks me, i really wish i can hide in a box.
Or locked inside the box.
So that i wont be able to hurt anyone again.
And no one will be get mad because of me...


2010年8月6日星期五
雪の華 中岛美嘉


MusicPlaylist
Music Playlist at MixPod.com



のびた人陰(かげ)を 舗道に並べ
夕闇のなかをキミと歩いてる
手を繋いでいつまでもずっと
そばにいれたなら泣けちゃうくらい

風が冷たくなって
冬の匂いがした
そろそろこの街に
キミと近付ける季節がくる

今年、最初の雪の華を
2人寄り添って
眺めているこの時間(とき)に
シアワセがあふれだす
甘えとか弱さじゃない
ただ、キミを愛してる
心からそう思った

キミがいると どんなことでも
乗りきれるような気持ちになってる
こんな日々がいつまでもきっと
続いてくことを祈っているよ

風が窓を揺らした
夜は揺り起こして
どんな悲しいことも
ボクが笑顔へと変えてあげる

舞い落ちてきた雪の華が
窓の外ずっと
降りやむことを知らずに
ボクらの街を染める
誰かのために何かを
したいと思えるのが
愛ということを知った

もし、キミを失ったとしたなら
星になってキミを照らすだろう
笑顔も 涙に濡れてる夜も
いつもいつでもそばにいるよ

今年、最初の雪の華を
2人寄り添って
眺めているこの時間(とき)
シアワセがあふれだす
甘えとか弱さじゃない
ただ、キミとずっと
このまま一緒にいたい
素直にそう思える

この街に降り積もってく
真っ白な雪の華
2人の胸にそっと想い出を描くよ
これからもキミとずっと…
*
今天都完成了最后第三的功课。
虽然是累了点。
每天为了搞这些呈现报告需要的要点,不到12点是上不了床。

不过看到今天大家都拼力地呈现,内心当时真的感动了点点。
组员们都很用心地筹备,虽然有时我的态度和语气真的令你们有点不舒服,可是还是谢谢你们的体谅。
大家都知道这是为了我们的分数,和班上的反应。
有时我好像在逼你们在一个时间内要让我过目,有时又好像很放心地让你们自己去决定。
怎样都好,我都是为了大家的好。
我的最终目的,都是为了让你们在上场时,能舒服且自信地呈现。

大家真的辛苦了。
今天要好好休息哦~
不要累坏了。
有什么事,都不要怕,有我在,我会帮你们抵挡的。
你们就安稳地完成你们想要达到的目标。
我是以你们为傲!

大家就在考试时,加油了!
*
最近因为在赶这些presentation,不到12点是不能睡觉。
导致一个人在楼下忙着对着电脑,过目组员的资料,更改/加强组员的资料。

因为酱,我都回开着音乐陪伴我。
有时会把耳机塞进耳朵,独自一个人享受。

音乐的力量真的很奇妙。
总是在累得无法正常思考时,音乐仿佛就在抚慰着你,让你静下来,不做任何的思考先,慢慢沉淀下来。
过了一段时间,当你觉得应该是时候,再放心思下去,你得到的力量真的是无限量。


曾经有几次我想放弃了,可是都是音乐把我召回。
它就是那么奇妙。
无论是嘻哈,摇滚,流行,饶舌,还是知识纯音乐,都有各自地发挥功效。
我习惯把播放器设定成“随机播放”。
自己的心情跟着随机播放而流动。
有时也跟着一起进入那个幻想世界。。。

*
很奇怪,最近老是梦到他。
也许是多心,不过相信他没事的。
呵呵~
至于梦到什么,就不方便透露。
另一方面,梦都是支离破碎,很难抽在一起。

是啊~
这也代表我很想念他。
有点可恶啦~
要不是他告诉,他要回来了,心就不会那么地受刺激。
哈哈~ 有点过分的形容。
事实嘛~

亲爱的,我真的真的很想你哦~

2010年8月4日星期三
Melting!

Oh my~
The weather is really melting me.
Hot hot hot!
That's all.
I can feel the beers in my fridge are calling me.
Am trying to refuse it.
Yes. I am.
And, yes, i have not touch the fridge's door.
I'm just battling with myself now.

Oh my~
Wanna on the air cond.
But whenever the thought of spoiling mother earth, i dont have the mood to on it.
Of course, that's because i'm too lazy to get up and get the remote control.
Haha~

Woo~
Please save mother earth.
And for a reason, sweating is a good way to detoxic your body.
You can get slim down for the reason.
xP
*
Alrighty, i should start study now.
Ya, right, why am i still blogging here?
Well, ignore me for a minute.
Just got loads of words needed to be speak up.

Ok.
Here's one.

I figure out that i had a bad time management.
I always feel frustrated by myself whenever everything come in a time.
Like now, for instance.
Am supposed to meet up with friends for a group study and preparation for presentation for Creative Thinking.
But then, plans need to be change, because mummy had to go out and no one is fetching the monster.
Mummy promise to be back by 2.
But then, i'm afraid that everyone gotta wait for me till 2.
I dont like that.
Still, i cant figure out a solution.
Haiz~

That's why i hate my time management skill.
And my problem solution skill.
If there's test for this, i guess i will fail.
With a low till hell marks.

Buddha, help me with it...
I dont want to hurt or disappoint anyone.
This is suck till max...
*
I feel like a jerk to him yesterday.
Well, it's long story to tell what happened.
I wasnt in a good mood and i was hurt somehow.
So, i was kinda rejecting him in any ways.

I did apologise to him in the evening.
Still, i was not the usual me.
Ya, i was acting a bit.
(Damn lucky he didnt ask for webcam. Or else i dont want how to wear a mask in front of him...)

Dear, sorry for being me.
And ya, this is the other side of me.
Whenever i feel down, i just want a pair of ear.
After that, i just want to shut myself for a while.
I know it's hurt that you are hurt by my attitude.
I know what you said yesterday was just to cheer me up.
But i just cant. And i'm not quite used to it.
Still, i'm glad that you are there to listen.
I really do appreciate it.
Thank you.
I miss you...

2010年8月2日星期一
冲啊~~~

目前所在地点:朋友家。(Ampang)
为何:要讨论功课啦~
时间:上午11时57分。

是啊~
要讨论功课。
而且算是着学期的最后一份了。
所以更加要加油!

虽然在过程中,真的有令人厌的事情发生,不过最后还是希望成果会令人满意。

我这个当组长的有时还会担心自己到底有没有尽责。
很担心组员对我有偏见。
或者担心自己把事情全部推给组员,自己什么都没做。

求神拜佛,一切都顺利吧。。。
*
哎哟~
最近想读书都没有心情。。。

都把心思全放在这个最后一份功课上。
哎哟~
又是借口。
真的不可以这样了。
要专心了。

要加油加油!!!
冲啊~~~
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要开始温习了,可能与他聊天的时间也会减少。
是有点不甘啦~
不过为了未来,我是会把这份力量化在学业上。

亲爱的,我好想你哦~