I Will Always Love You 私は常に愛する

2011年1月28日星期五

Interview with MYSELF

Me: How are you recently?
I: I guess i'm alright. At least someone is back. That's a great news, for me.

Me: How's college? Everything alright?
I: Well, Sem3 is quite relaxing. I bet a lot of people are kinda envy with my time schedule. But i know i will still keep on fight for a better result. Because i dont want make my loves upset again. Especially myself.

Me: So that means you have done a lot that make them down?
I: I dont really know if they are. They never show it out. But i just dont like the feeling. If i dont feel proud of myself, how can i convince my loves one? It's silly yet it's so heartbreaking.
Me: Then you should really keep on the hard work and make everyone proud.
I: Of course i will. That is what i am doing right now. Watch me!

Me: How about your life? Any big changes so far?
I: I'm still alive and that is such a grateful things to say. Changes? Well, no yet. Or should i say, yes, there are things that i still need to handle and i cannot confirm how the outcome will be. They might change my life or not. They might make me feel a lot more happy or not. I only understand one thing, I should appreciate every breath i'm taking now. There are many people suffering and i cant really help. Instead i should make myself more appreciate life and spread love around.

Me: Lately you have been complain about money, why?
I: Haha~ That's quite a sensitive question. Yes, i've been compain about money lately. Well, who doesnt. I guess even the billionaires are. Look what happened to Stanley Ho, the richest guy in Macau. Look what happened to his family. Such a drama. Yet, money is always an issue to everyone. I'm just bragging about it but that doesnt mean i dont think of ways to solve it. I guess i just have to work harder.
Me: Yes i do understand. Money has always been an issue, so do i. But i would like to know more, how do you get along with your loves one.
I: That's quite a leap. I always open my heart to anyone who come near me, even to you now. That can be work both way. You might misused it or we are able to become good friends. Still, i always appreciate how fate works. Both of us met because of some reason. But we still manage to get along and know each other. There's a secret behind it. I fall in love easily. Right now, i can say "i love you" to you. Maybe that's one of my way of spreading love.

Me: That's very interesting. Falling in love easily. But arent you scare?
I: Sometimes i do. But when time goes by, i know you are a good guy, so why should let the fear conquer me? Like i said, you might misused it and i might hate you. Looking back, i will start question myself, and i will think of a way to solve it. If things cant solve in the end, then i have to let go. Somewhere deep down, i still felt grateful of meeting you.

Me: Well, i guess that's all from me. Any last word?
I: Appreciate every breath and relax.

2011年1月26日星期三

懒虫爬满全身了

这学期的课程排班都让我觉得好像还在放假。

当然嘛~
你看，整个星期就只有星期一和三有课。
星期一，早上9点至下午3点。
星期三，下午12点在下午6点。
其余的时间，就是没事做。
要在家也摆，出门又没人找。
所以你说，我能不觉好像在放假吗？

也许你可以说，我终于有个时间可以好好休息了。
但我就是不喜欢啊~
因为这样会让懒虫爬满我全身。
要消除每一只，都需要耗费很多时间和精神。
我真的不喜欢啦~
要嘛就一直做，不要嘛就继续让懒虫侵蚀全身。

唉~
为什么就是要这样呢？
新的作风，到底要什么啦？
*
是的，他昨晚已经安全抵达了。
现在的他就在他家里。

这段期间，就可以暂时不用收国际费了。
而且什么事都可以第一时间与他分享。
也许是很短暂，但我会把握的。

也希望爸妈能让我叛逆这阵子。
呵呵~

亲爱的，我好想你噢~
欢迎回来 ^^

2011年1月24日星期一

I just want to escape...

I'm currently in this mood now.
Why? Why so sudden?

Well, i heard a series of story. And it happened between my loves one.
I cant help but feel so heartbreak and feel like crying.
I feel like hiding in a corner and breakdown.
Physically and mentally.

Why must all these things happened?
Why cant we live in a peace surroundings?
Yes, words sometimes do pierce through our heart.
But do you know, the after effect is the dangerous one.
They can be lethal.
They eat your soul, break down your confident, destroy all your luck, crash down all those happy moments.
In the end, you are nothing but a piece of flesh walking around in the street.

That's the power of word, if you use it the wrong way.
So why must this happen?
Why cant we just settle everything with a nicer tones, and using a better words?

Me, myself are training myself not to speak all those words out.
Because i've seen the power of the words.
I know how it can break down one man's soul.
Therefore, i choose to silent myself and only to appropriate words to appropriate people.

Well, for you, my darl, i've been hearing all these stories throughout the years.
You could say that i grew up with all these stories.
19 years, and i still hearing it.
It's going to two decades, and i knew things wont slow down.

I know someday, somehow i'll make a decision that will shock all of you.
Please do bear in mind, it's all because of these.
I'm starting to get tired of being angry, whenever i heard these stories.
I'm starting to lose my patient, whenever someone is crying.
I'm starting to blurt out vulgar words, whenever things are getting worse.

I'm tired.
I feel old whenever the after effect strikes.
I just want to escape to a place, where i could be alone...

2011年1月22日星期六

又来了。。。

如果我说，其实我是个很胆小的女生，非常需要很多时间的酝酿，才能勇敢踏出来。

昨天，很多无谓的念头又出现在脑海了。
可是惟有一个念头，令我瞬间毛骨悚然。
很不能相信，为什么自己会有这样的念头。
意识过来时，还真的差点让自己后悔了。

是的，有哪个人不怕压力的。
不，应该重新编排句子。
有哪个人是愿意被压力压到不成人形呢？
而当压力找上我门来时，我的脑袋会出现很多东西，顿时我不能好好地冷静思考。

昨天开会时，听到很多事情要处理。
尤其学长们留下来的事物，我们后辈的都要小心且醒目地处理。
而且还有很多事情。
开完会以后，走出了房间，脑海一直浮现：逃避逃避，越远越好，不会让你辛苦就好。

我还真的差点找顾问谈我要退出的事情。

幸亏我及时醒过来。
自责了一顿。
很不明白为什么会出现那样的念头。
实在太不应该了！
这个完全都不是我本人！
从小到大，我都从来不允许自己有这样的念头。

可是现在？
只是要我们想办法如何收拾残局而已，我却选择要逃避。
甚至还把错怪在别人身上。

我是怎么了？
为何会变到如此？

我看，又是时候把自己封闭了。
让自己慢慢地思考，慢慢地反省。
不可以再有下次了。。。
*
刚带两个小瓜出门。
到The Curve去。
本来是要参观动漫展的。
妹妹得到错误的消息，害得我们扑空了。

不过我们还是尝试了新开张的餐馆。
^.^

知道日本蛮流行女仆餐厅的吗？
那我们马来西亚的确有一间。（不知道啦~我只去过那间而已。）
我的生日还在那边庆祝呢~

那今天我们到The Curve时，看到了一间以女仆主题的餐厅开张了。
我们肚子本来也饿了，所以也跟着排队。
说起来还真好笑。
我们不知道是否需要前提预约，因为当时很多一班爱好动漫的人站在一起。
我们三个就选择站在角落观察。
后来发现是不需要的，我们就跟着队后面。
我还说，一班一班的，然后突然冒出我们三个小瓜来。
哈哈~

可能第一天开张吧~
很多事情都手忙脚乱。
我们点了食物，却迟迟未上桌。
导致我妹从早还没吃东西，下午三点了都还没进食，开始有点反胃了。
我们就只好结账走人。

但论起食物，还真的很美味。
应该说，可能贪新鲜吧~
所以什么食物都很美味。
服务也很赞哦~
果然是以女仆为主题的餐厅。
样样都以顾客为主主任对待。

小小贴士，要进去时，记得学一两句日本话，他们一定很开心的！

那，根据他们的条规，我们不准拍照，所以只好上网找照片了。
也还好，让我找到了。

这些应该是当初设计的样子，是有点差别啦~

那如果要参观他们的话，就记得要到The Curve去。
他们是在最底层那里，Mr Teppanyaki的对面而已。
须知更多详情可以上到他们的网站。
Tenshi no Cafe
*
还有三天的时间而已。
现在的他，就在高雄游玩。

真的是在我需要他时，他一定会出现的。
是他，安抚了我那自责的心情。
也安抚了我那没用的念头。

和他聊天，虽然隔着荧幕的距离，可是那份温馨我还是感觉到了。
好感动，好感动。
为何他就是有这种魔力呢？

亲爱的，谢谢你噢~
也许最近我的言语有点尖酸，或者感觉有点不经大脑。
但那些都是为了掩饰我的心情。
我不能让自己太兴奋，不然会睡不着啦~
哈哈~
是因为我知道，很快的，我又能牵着你手，说废话，感受你的温暖，在你面前撒娇，让你当当大男人。

亲爱的，我好想你噢~

2011年1月20日星期四

Boy oh Boy~

One more week and here comes the Rabbit!

Boy oh boy~
Gotta get ready to rock this year's Chinese New Year.
Though i only have a short break, i know i will rock this year hard!

Well, like usual, this year will be celebrating at hometown, Teluk Intan.
I wouldnt like to rant much about it.
But i will find a way to entertain myself.
And i just hope everything will go well.

Anyway, just came back from hair saloon.
Re-dye my hair to another color.
And i love the outcome very much.
Though it was not neither me and hairstylist plan.
I mean i asked for purple with a little highlight, but it came out red.
I know, weird right?
The hairstylist said, it might be my base color.
But i dont care!
They still look pretty. <3

Haha~
Sorry for no picture to shown.
I guess you can expect it from Chinese New Year.
Till then.
*
Dont ask me why, but i've been posting a lot of craps on Twitter.
And yes, i still prefer Twitter over Facebook.
Because i post crap at anytime i want.

Back to topic.
I guess it's because i need something to hide my anticipation.
Yes, he will be back in less than a week time.
And yes, i still cant hide my smile now.

Why should i hide it?
Well, part of the reason, i dont like to put high profile on it.
I just dont really want to make thing big.
I mean he's only coming back for three week time.
And i might only get to meet him for one week time only.
Therefore, i should really keep it low profile.

The other reason is, i just miss him too much.
Much until i cant control myself.
Solution: i need to hide it away.
Hide it away so i wont feel so "thirsty".
Haha~
xD

Still, dear, i miss you so much.
<3

2011年1月18日星期二

夏夜晚分风伍佰

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

夏夜里的晚风
吹拂着你在我怀中
你的秀发蓬松
缠绕着我随风摆动
月亮挂在星空
牵绊着你诉情哀
有你味道的风
就是我还在等待的爱
一个夏夜晚风的爱
一颗寂寞的心的爱
一个还在等待的爱
不知道怎么搞的
最近老是做这个梦
可能是我痴情
或者是我太笨
总之梦很美你也很美
只是我还在等
灯火闪着余波
随着你的呼吸移动
你说你想入梦
我的臂窝有你的梦
将你轻轻捧起
让你在我耳边细语
夏夜的风有你
就是我还在等待的爱
*

Girls at 20

去探索，去玩，去奔放，偶尔疯狂，别太失控。
恋爱最好能谈个四，五段；别想在时期结婚，因为你自己的经验不够，判断就会失准。
先用你的本性，野性去恋爱，再从每一个不同的对象上学习，然后修炼自己。
少跟男友去逛家具和市场，别沉浸在那种两个人好像新婚夫妻般的幻想里，你会害死自己。
当然，看着他的眼神还是要专心地迷蒙，但心里要冷静地告诉自己；“等一下，再等一下，他可能只是过客。”
夺取旅行，看书，看电影，多去做一些你梦想中想做的事，去你梦寐以求的地方，因为在二十几岁不做，以后可能没有机会了--就算以后有机会，那感觉是不会一样的。
累积个方面的经验：工作经验，恋爱经验，被骗，吃亏，受害的经验，还有，性经验。
二十岁的女孩，体力正好，多去体验。但不是要你去滥交。
有些事，还是要三思。
比如说刺青，比如说整型。
人的长相就是会变，气质也是，多给自己一些成长的机会，不要轻易改变你的容貌。
二十岁，有什么好怕的。

Boys at 20
去玩吧！小公狗！

--《我爱故我在》陶晶莹--

*
正式倒数7天。
呵呵~
有人就会来了哦~

当然满心期待啦~
现在大家都纷纷要我带出来与大家见见面。
怎么说到好像我把关进监狱呢？
总之呢，这要看有没有时间，也要看他愿不愿意。
毕竟，人家会害羞的啦~
哈哈~

亲爱的，工作会辛苦吗？
每天都做晚班。
而且最近都在忙着赚回来时的生活费。
辛苦你啦~
而且看到报章说，这几天的天气都罕见的冷。
还下起冰雹来。
出门时要小心哦~
也有多穿厚衣裳，不要冷到了。

亲爱的，好期待你的归来哦~
我好想你噢~

2011年1月16日星期日

No mood to shop

Chinese New Year is around the corner.
So, according to Chinese calender, there goes another year.
And i'm 20 in the Chinese calender.

Well, i dont really shop for it.
Or another word, why should i shop for it?
It's not like i cant shop during the normal day.
But of course, all those promotions and discounts were tempting.
Once i almost buy things because of the discount prices.

Of course, i manage to control myself.
I told myself, why should i need this?
It's not like i need it very urgent.
The next thing i do, i put it down and walk out the store.

Yes. I'm not those shopaholic girl.
I just buy things that i need and sometimes in a very urgent circumstances.
I rarely buy things because of my impulse.
I mean who doesnt have those times?
Haha~

Anyway, the letter from college had really bury my mood to shop.
I need more money for paying it.
And for something too.

As for shopping, i'll leave it for some other time.
*
I missed my friends all of the sudden.
No matter who you are, or where you are, i just miss you.

Sometimes when i look through my phone book, looking for someone, my mind just tell me that i will disturb them.
So, i change my channel to playing games.
But i still miss them.

I missed those days when i can meet them whenever i want.
I missed those days when i can say whatever i can.
I can breathe easily in front of them.
I can forget everything when i'm with them.

It's like my second family.
And i really cant imagine how life would be without them.

Friends, let's gather sometimes, i really do miss you guys.
=)

*
Days are coming near.
And i miss him more than ever.
I almost can feel that he's by my side too.
Haha~
Ignore my paranoia.

But it's true.
I'm so miss him.
I cant wait to see him again.
Cant wait to be a little girl in front of him again.
Cant wait to be in his hug again.
Cant wait to feel his warmth again.

Dear, i miss you so much.
<3

2011年1月14日星期五

4张专辑

最近都迷上了这几张专辑。
每次开电脑，都会先点击这些专辑的歌曲来听。
有时它们很完美地悉数我的心跳声。
有时听着听着，心情也慢慢地抚平了。
有时就是很想掉眼泪。

1. 林俊杰《她说》

记得去年在金曲奖上看到林俊杰的演奏时，只觉就告诉我，林俊杰不会这么单纯地演奏五位很浓厚唱将底子的女歌手。
果然，不久在他的微博上看到了他的动机。
他在准备着推出专辑。
而在金曲奖上的演奏，只是撩起人们的注意。
最后，专辑出来的效果还是没让我失望。
反而我好喜欢这样的林俊杰。

轻轻地唱出每位女生的心心底话。
当他翻唱之前的创作，才发现，原来他也可以这样地细腻。
细腻到让人不能忘记。

我总是在独自一个人时，就会选择播放这张专辑。
让林俊杰细腻的歌声慢慢地融化在环境里头。
忍着眼泪，不让它流下来。
因为终于有位歌手，能这么轻易且细腻地唱出我的心情。

强烈推荐歌曲：《她说》，《一眼万年》

2. 梁静茹《情歌没有告诉你》

说起来，自从得知梁静茹结婚的消息后，根本没料到她还会再出专辑。
这张专辑也是我在电台上听到。
还记得我当时的表情是有点错愕。
还问了我自己：“真的是她噢？”

是的。真的是梁静茹。
听了这张专辑，我还是喜欢她早期的作品。
但就是不知什么原因，我就是很喜欢在心情开朗时，选择播放这张专辑。

梁静茹的歌声在这张专辑中，对我而言，简单但很实在。
听着她的歌声，才发现，原来我也算是听着她的歌长大的。
有时她的歌声会浮现在我脑海。
有时则在心中回荡着。

无论怎样，这张专辑的魅力还是存在着。
可能我还需要时间来探索。

强力推荐歌曲：《给还没遇见的你》，《情歌没有告诉你》

3. 东方神起《왜(Keep Your Head Down)》

无可否认，无论韩国那边有再多的歌手出现，我的心还是忠于东方神起。
因为他们，我才知道原来韩国歌曲是这么精彩，多元化。
当时我还对自己说，以后就只听东方神起的歌就好了。
只要有人伤害他们，我就拿我老命来跟他们拼。

后来，他们发生了一些事情。
导致他们五人被逼分散。
我还记得，我是一边忍着眼泪，一边读着新闻。
心仿佛被千万支针刺得好痛。

现在在中，俊秀，有天都组了另一只团体，JYJ。
而允浩，昌民死守“东方神起”这名字。
少了三位的歌声，在听专辑的过程，还是觉得少了点什么。
精彩还是精彩，但就是有那么一点的遗憾。

看了mv，我更想念看着他们五位出现在荧幕上。
也许我还在祈祷着，他们能够再次复合。
再次用五人的力量来征服我们的内心。。。

强烈推荐歌曲：《왜 Keep Your Head Down》，《Athena》

4. Maroon 5 《Hands All Over》

第一次在电台听到《Misery》时，手指也跟着舞动。
在仔细听歌声时，原来又是Maroon 5。

虽然我只忠于听几首歌，但当时有股冲动，把整张专辑都点击来试听。
结果，我就这样迷上了。
还发疯似的想买下来。（但考量到经济问题，还是只好在网上听好了。）

Maroon 5的主唱声音辨识度超高。
听了一次就好像纹身那样，脱了衣服，你才发现原来你曾经在那个部位作了记号。
为什么这样形容？
因为平时你不会很留意他的歌声。
可是当你需要一个歌声来陪你度过难关时，那才发现，原来一直以来他都在身旁陪着。只是没发现，也没多加留意。

所以很自然的，当我需要一把声音时，可是又不想这么快睡觉，Maroon 5的这张专辑就成为了我的首选。
不停的播放，不停的repeat，就是只是想要声音陪伴而已。
在车山也是。
当电台播放时，我会很自然地静下来，慢慢地细细地聆听，我那需要的声音。

强烈推荐歌曲：《Misery》，《Dont Know Nothing》

这几张专辑都是我常听的。
而且都让它们一直repeat repeat repeat。
Repeat到我想睡觉，还是突然有事要忙，才甘愿按下停止键。。。

2011年1月12日星期三

Sem3

12.01.2011
First day of sem3.
And it's quite a fun in college after being away so long.

When i step in the classroom, i knew deeply that i missed everyone of them.
It's like what life can be if i never met them.
I'm glad everyone is still healthy and happy.
Some might have change, but still i'm glad we are back.

Sem3.
Two subjects.
Principles of Journalism, taught by Mr Sharaad.
Media Criticism, taught by Ms Su.
Both of them are fun people that you can count on.
The whole classroom was in happy mood and laughter were filling in the air.

I like the way i was placed in the class.
I know sometimes i can be very random.
I might spill out some words without thinking twice and the whole class will burst in laughter.
Not to say that i'm a clown or i did it purposely.
It was my voice.
I had loud voice and they just "betray" me very often.

Still, I hope that sem3 will be a better semester.
Please cut less any drama.
I promise i'll be nice and give 200% to everything i'm involved in.
Buddha bless me.
*
Since college start, meaning i must get off from work now.
Am thinking hard whether i should continue working after looking at my timetable.

I have class only at Monday and Wednesday.
The other time were just free.
No class, nothing.
So it just keep me thinking.

Then, CreaActive came to my mind.
What if i need to entertain those clients?
What if suddenly the client ask for a thing and i'm unable to deliver it?
I just stop thinking.

I cant go on unless i quit CreActive.
And this had me thinking lots of time.
I dont know if i want to give up or not.
I like the concept and the way it function.
But sometime i feel like i cant cope myself.

Haiz~
It so hard to make decision.
And i know maybe i had disappoint some people with it.
But i always asking myself, "Am i happy?"
And sometimes, i cant give myself an answer.

It sounds so pathetic.
I'm just a student and these things shouldnt be in my worry list.
But why am i making myself worse?
Time is not the one i want now.
I need myself to be more determined and stand ground with it.
I need myself to explain to myself.
I need myself now...
*

2011年1月8日星期六

终于可以放松啦~

终于都有时间可以慢慢坐下来上网了。

最近都在上班嘛~
不过说真的，最近的生意比以往来得差。
其实我每天都十点就到家了。
还有时间可以闲聊一下，看看报纸，甚至看电视节目。
只是很懒惰开电脑上网而已。
哈哈~

而且这次生病的理由都不是因为不够休息。
只是家里一时太多人生病了，干扰到病菌了。
也没什么大碍。

虽然每天做的事情还是一样，但新同事，新作风。
还是和她们聊得来。
我那疯疯癫癫的性格就是能很快地与他们沟通。
就是只有唯一一个人，外星人。
有名叫外星人，就不要再多说了。
免得影响现在轻松自在的心情。

怎样都好，虽然比之前赚得有点少，希望还是有帮助达成我的目标。
*
收到消息了。
Sem3在星期三才开课。
而且这学期才上两个科目。
Principles of Journalism和Media Criticism。
一个星期，才去学校那两天而已。

唉~
这就是新上任校长的做法。
我能说什么。
就是只要做好我自己的本分，然后努力考取好成绩就可以了。

然后不要有什么事情在我很十万火急的情况下，刁难我就可以了。
去年已经历经很多了。
多到我自己还很佩服自己，能熬过来。

虽然只是个学生，但回头来看，那些都是我进入社会前的一些小小磨练。
哪能比得上真正社会的模样。
我应该感到自足。
我至少还是学生。
还是有个借口可以来回避一些难题。

有时也该认清自己的界限。
该清除了解自己的责任和分量。
学生就是学生。
该乘还有机会和时间时，好好享受学生的特权。

2011年的第三个学期，我该让自己成长了。

*
还有大概两个星期而已，他就要回来啦~
是的，盼望已久，等到海都干，天都塌下来了，地都烈了，他要回来了！
哈哈哈哈哈哈~

不过就算他回来了，也不能马上就见到面。
人家要回家的嘛~
再说我又不是他的什么，不用这么着急的。
我自己本身也是有计划。
现在只祈祷两边的计划都不会相撞到。

也不能怪啦~
谁叫他之前说，是不会回来的。
一直到毕业后才会回来。
所以我就安排计划啦~
要去这边，要去那边。
说句难听的，都没有他的份！
哈哈哈哈~

所以说啊~
不要互撞到，不然会让我很难做人。

怎样都好，都还是很期待那天的来临。
而且，我好想你哦~

2011年1月2日星期日

2011, a new start =)

And so, it's 2011 now!
Spend my last day at hometown, surrounded with my family.

Well, 2011.
I'm 19 now.
One more year and i'll be 20.
But for now, as a 19 years old girl, i still gotta live my life to the full.

Looking back, when i was 18, i was lost for a time.
I couldnt decide what was the best for me.
I was standing in a junction, waiting for myself to decided, which road i should take.
In the end, i enroll myself in a college, IACT, studying Diploma in Mass Communication.
A subject i have dream since i was small.

Things sure had change a lot as time goes by.
But i've learn that sometimes you need to have a time to break down.
Friendship, relationship, personal stuff.
All of these have challenge me for a long time.
I might fail sometime, but the other time i am trying my best to pleased everyone.

And now, 19 years old, i know i should be mature now.
Be more dedicated.
Train myself to be more discipline.
Make myself as a responsibility person.
Get rid of bad temper.
Throw away the impatience side.
Make myself more useful.

Yes, this is just my new year resolution.
And one more last thing, to learn to love people and myself even more.
=)
*
Oh Buddha~
Gotta finish my photobook in any moment now.
Couldnt bear to drag anymore.
Tomorrow is the submission day, and still i havent done editing the photos.

I shant be here nagging anymore.
Gotta keep my hands off internet for a while.
Concentrate on the works and get it print out.

Please, Buddha, help me for a while.
I promise to be a good girl then...
>.<
*
Happy New Year to you, my dear.
Sorry that you have to spend your time with work.
But i guess it was fun to spend new year at other country.

You will be back soon and i cant wait for that day.
I know you'll be having lots of plans then.
But it's ok.
As long as you're safe and happy, i will be glad.

Dear, i miss you...