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Just me and my life.



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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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2011年2月27日星期日
慵懒地周末

又是周末。
最近的周末都过得很慵懒。

上网也好,泡连续剧也好,聊天也好,就是这样过了一整天。
学业上的压力也暂时不要想这么多。
朋友之间的摩擦也暂时不想放这么多心思。
就是这样安静地,慵懒地度过周末。

偶尔的约会也会出席。
盛装打扮一下,出门前对着镜子练习微笑,准备好一点点话题,然后出门。
和朋友联络感情,抛开对生活上的埋怨,投入地与朋友们度过时光。
甚至抛开面具,放松地呼吸,就让自己沉浸在话题内。
八卦关心问候爆料,每种话题都参与,也加入自己的想法进行讨论。
时间到了,大家各自收拾心情,期待下一次的见面。

回到家,启动电脑,查查e-mail,再检查是否满意自己的功课,才能安心地入眠。
在梦乡里,我是多么地自由。
我想做什么,就做什么。
完全不用考虑世人的看法或允许,就在里面自由的翱翔。
在梦乡里,我可以是个很幸福的女人,也可以是个很凶狠的杀人犯。
虽然每次睁开眼睛就会忘了内容,但那些情绪还是缠绕着我。
也好,这样就能证明我还是会发梦的。

一天的生活,偶尔平静,偶尔吵闹。
我还是得过啊~
*
那天才刚看完《家有六子》/《我的花样继子》
是一部在2009年首播的日剧。

最初是在一本杂志看到介绍。
心里就有点痒痒想看的。
后来就上网下载了。
它一共有11集。
每集的背后故事很感人,也很温馨。
虽然偶尔有点小插曲,可是都不损整个作品的价值。

日剧一直以来都在走着感动和温馨路线。(据他说。)
这部也不例外。
女主角因为父亲所欠下的债务,每天除了要躲避那些讨债的,兼职很多工作。
某天一位男生突然现身,还好心地帮忙还债,但条件是成为他的妻子。
不久一个有后,她的“丈夫”如预言往生了。
而女主角被迫要和他的六位继子们生活。
但问题来了,这六位继子都不是很轻易地敞开心胸,甚至时常把“我们都是居住在同一屋檐下的陌生人而已”挂在嘴边。
为了完成合约,女主角必须花心思把家庭团结起来。

整部连续剧就环绕在他们的身上。
也很难的发现,原来日剧还是可以地简单就把故事述说。
不拖泥带水,反而干净零落,故事背后的教训也可以很直接地带出来。

家庭就是这么回事。
有时吵吵闹闹也没关系,到头来,大家还是得以来彼此,度过难关。
有时也会发生信任的问题,只要敞开心胸,告诉彼此的心得,你还是会得到谅解。
家人就是最佳的避风港。
无论外头发生什么事,只要说出来,大家齐心解决,你还是一分子。
也许言语会尖酸,也会有点排斥你,可是心里的某处还是希望你平安无事就好。
这就是“家庭家人”的定义。

去看看这部连续剧吧~
尤其最后一集,你的眼泪会一直流,可是你却在微笑着。
(网上找的照片)
*
昨晚约了姐妹们和Nia Jian出来喝茶。
我们就谈到我们的恋情。

谈着谈着,我突然很庆幸我们是多么的成熟。
从来不会为了距离而吵架。
讨论时我们举例了一些外人对你的另一半的动作,你是否会生气。
我也发现,无论自己多开放或成熟,你还是会生气的。
我不知自己是否该开心好。
呵呵~
很矛盾吧~

因为我们常常都在不同地方。
要见面,对我们来说,是件值得庆祝的事情。
那,在那边我也许不知道他做了什么。
所以我常常认为,自己应该会谅解或当作没事。
可是昨晚,我说我也会生气啊~那是我的男人耶~你这个女人为何要特地在我的面前做这些暧昧的动作。

呵呵~
也许我还是和许多女人一样,会吃醋,会生气。
也会开始尖酸地说话。
可我毕竟也是女生,我会这样的想法是正常的吧。。。

对吧,亲爱的?
我会有这些情绪都是因为我会在乎,也会有占有心。
虽然我很少表现出来,可是是正常的对吧?

无论是什么结果,我今天还是很想你。

2011年2月25日星期五
Smile =)

Blasting my car speakers with Eminem album.
Turn the volume up as loud as it can.
Trying to follow the lyric as fast as i can.
It's been quite some time since i rap.
My skill was obviously sucks.

But i didnt feel disappoint at all.
Instead i smile to myself.

Thinking back, i still have the passion for hip hop.
I still love hip hop music.
I still love hip hop fashion.
I still love hip hop lifestyle.
I still love hip hop dance.
I still love everything that's in hip hop.

Rapping, was just like accessory for hip hop.
I train myself to rap.
I fall in love to rap.
Then slowly, it eats up my life.
I started to talk in a fast pace.
Everyone asked me to slow down.
And i tried.
In the end, i manage to control my speed.

Slowly, as time goes by, rapping no longer become my priority.
I start to talk in normal pace.
And i cant rap well anymore.

But, after seeing myself in the car, i realize, i've grown up.
No longer that kid that only focused in one thing.
No longer hope that one talent she discovered, can console her.
I've learn life is full with lots of things.
You just have to learn to discover it.
And then you play with it, and then you move on.
It's not a sin to try, but it's a sin not to try.

After all, i'm still young.
There might be still plenty of time for me to write my own biography.
=)
*
This house has been not quiet recently.
There is this thing is happening, and everyone was sort of involved.

Not going to talk much here.
But i just want that person to know: learn your lesson and gather courage to apologize.
It's unfair for us people that love you so much.
It's totally unfair.

We want the best for you, yet the lesson must be learn.
Listen to what the elders tell you, and ask those questions again to yourself.
Either you stand in front of a mirror, or you ask yourself quietly.
Dont pretend you're listening.
Cause we would rather talking to a wall.
Dont perfunctory us.
Cause we would rather dealing with a person with mental illness.

Just remember: we love you more than you love us.
We just want you to be a good person.
That's the only wish we would like to see it happen now...

*
I had a dream last night.
It's so sweet and i woke up with a smile.

I dream we were walking on a beach.
He was carrying me on his back.
We were happy and blessed.
I cant really remember our conversation, but i know we were chit chatting.
The dream last quite long.
It was like a never ending coastline.
We just keep walking, with him carrying me on his back.

I know why i had this dream.
I want to go to a beach very badly now.
I want to walk barefoot to feel the sands. (Though i was carried on his back.)
I want to feel the breeze.
I want him to be there.
Conclusion: i miss beach and i miss him most.

The dream was sweet and i cant keep smiling.
I hope the dream will come true.
With only me and him, walking on a beach.
Him with me, listen to my craps again.
Holding my hand, and tell me, sometimes it's ok to show your weak side.

I just miss him...

2011年2月23日星期三
南纬的风北纬的雨 陈家凯


MusicPlaylist
Music Playlist at MixPod.com

风在轻轻吹着雨
吹入雨的心里
雨轻轻的在风里
滴入风的梦里

风雨在心中探索着彼此的距离
不知不觉的往枝头上靠去

风雨在梦中贴进着彼此的呼吸
不知不觉的在枝头上上映

我 已决定爱你
即使这个世界颳着再大的风雨
我 已决定爱你
寒冷的风雨路有我陪着你

静静的拥抱你永远不分离
*
厚~
真的越来越讨厌那个讲师了。
进了学院这么久,他就这么成功地成为我第一讨厌的讲师。

可能是他第一次来到我们的学院,也或者我对他还不是很了解。
那,至少他的言语用词可以不要那么尖酸吗?
有些人就是这么回补交敏感点。
仿佛你很看小我们,一直用那些词汇来攻击我们。
最顶不顺就是,他会忘记他之前讲的话。

那这次我们的最重头的功课就是要访问一个记者。
我这次就和Nikki同组。
那Pee Yee因为和她的组员有点冲突,就要求换组。
Pee Yee也得到了他的允许,就加入了我们的组。
他竟然忘了,还把我们训了一段,说为什么没有跟着规则走。
后来我们解释了,他也没道歉,反而转移了话题。

那就算了。
我们也找到了访问对象,之前也是得到他的许可,我们才联络那位记者的。
可是今天他就嫌弃我们的记者太年轻。
还一直说我们肯定不会得到什么资料了。
虽然口头上一直要我们“加油,希望一切顺利”。
可是我就是感觉不到那份诚心。

现在是什么状况?
我们之前就是把一切资料都告诉你。
然后你现在就嫌弃我们。
甚至还“祝福”我们。

天啊~
我还真的差点骂粗口了。
为什么他就是要这么耍花样?!
还口口声声说,他对我们已经很客气了。
可是,非常抱歉,本小姐并没有感觉到。

而且他还可以今天说这套,明天说那套。
昨天说需要报告呈现,今天说只需交报告,明天就说还需要照片。
天啊~
这样的话我们到底要何时才能完成你的功课哦?
还说什么,做功课就是要慢慢来,最重要不是叫卷,而是这过程你学到什么。
是的,讲师,我非常赞同你这句话。
但前提是,你就不要一直这么变化嘛~
这样会让人有时措手不及。
甚至会有点放弃的念头。

唉~
讲师啊~
我已经很尝试去喜欢你了。
但你放心,我是会乖乖交你要的功课的。
至于分数,我就能拜托你不会出尔反尔的。
*

2011年2月21日星期一
I'M MELTING!!!

Oh Buddha, why is the weather so freaking hot?
I feel like i'm melting at any minute now.

Ever since after Chinese New Year, the weather is getting hotter and hotter.
WTH?!

Yes, even though i hate being cold very much, but i dislike the hot weather too.
Feel like going out, but the weather makes me sleepy.
Plus, i dont want to expose under all those UV.
Haiz~
Why must you be so cruel?
>.<
*
Alright, start switching gear to "study and rushing assignment" mode.

Damn, i still shake off the feeling that i'm still having holiday.
Haiz~
Who shall i blame?
Myself of course.
I should be responsible to myself.
Not the other way round.

I just realize this morning, when i'm brushing my teeth.
The time from Final till now, is less than a month.
And what exactly had i learn?
Erm... How to skip class?
Yea, right, congratulation, you are allow to graduate now.

Haiz~
There's a few assignment's deadline is on the corner, yet i still cant my motivation to wrap it up.
Gosh~
I really need someone to smack me, slap me, kick me, cane me, or whatever to wake me up.

Damn girl, WAKE UP!!!
*
He's having his first class now.
Haha~
Glad to know that he's doing fine, i guess.

Well, anyway, dear, i hope your leg is recovering.
Please do take care of yourself.
I'm sorry i cant be by your side now.
I guess it's really as you said.
Buddha is giving us a challenge, and we no choice but to face it.

Just to let you know,
I miss you...

2011年2月19日星期六
好吗,甜心?

暂且不说发生了什么事。
也不想任何人对号入座。
只是要说出我心底话,不然我真的不会找机会来说出口了。


甜心,我们算是从小看着你长大吧~
我们从小一起玩长大的。
我们从小就已经懂得分享心中的秘密。
就算闭上眼,我们都清楚知道彼此身上的痣长在哪里。

后来,我们也慢慢长大了。
可是我们对彼此的爱依然没有受影响。
甚至一天比一天更爱彼此了。

可能你年龄比我还小吧~
所以我这个做姐姐的,还是很乐意把你当妹妹疼爱,关心。
你心中在想什么,我可能也理解吧~

只是因为某些因素,你开始不说出你的心声了。
甚至会开始制造故事,让我们信以为真。
可是殊不知,我比你早一步知道了。
只是我不忍心拆穿。
因为自从那件事后,从此你就是一个人了。
没有人再身边支持你。
可惜我不是住在附近,不然现在的你应该不会这副德性了。

甜心,从前发生了什么事,我这个做姐姐的也不会想要追究了。
毕竟那是没人在你身边指引你。
你也在不知情的情况下,犯了错误。
如果要找人问罪的话,箭头应该要指向我。
是我没有更加关心你,没有更加疼惜你。
也更加没有找时间与你聊天,了解你。

如今,已经不一样了。
你现在就在我身边了。
我也可以很明显地观察你了。
也许是时间和距离的关系,我变得无法找机会与你好好坐下来聊天。
但我内心的某处还是会想要恢复我们之前的样子。
我们无所不谈,什么秘密都说出口,答应彼此,不能让第三者知道。

现在事情已发生了。
我也不能坐视不管了。
我是时候该拿出大姐的风范,好好与你聊聊了。

甜心,大姐我只是非常希望你能明白一些事情。
我们之所以会这么行动,都是因为爱你。
都是因为我们想肯定你。
更不想你拒绝我们。
毕竟这种类似事已经发生了一次。
我们不想再次失去你了。
尤其我,只是想要你明白,你的任何一举一动都会带来很深刻的后果。
而你现在就是要学会承担这些后果。
要你学会,就算犯错了,只要你勇于认错,万事都会有解决方案的。
就算被人怪责,都没关系,因为大家只是要你成长,只是要你清楚了解这种事以后不能再犯了。

我也是过来人。
你现在犯的错误,我也曾经犯。
只是在做了以后,我都闭门问自己,到底自己的做法对不对;自己的行为有没有让任何人失望。
我会反省,我会改错,我会说:“对不起。”

甜心,我知“对不起”这三个字需要非常大的勇气才能说出口。
就是因为你需要这勇气来更改,所以在那之前,你必须要认错。
认错了以后,你就发现,原来自己犯的错误还是可以获得原谅的。

甜心,答应我,不要再犯这些无知的错误了。
我们只是不想要你后悔,不想要你有天回过头时流着惭愧的眼泪。
好吗?
就这么简单的事而已。。。

2011年2月17日星期四
17th February 2011

Came back from LCCT.
Left 11am from home and reach around 1pm.
Why?

Duh~
Today is 17th.
And you should know what day is today.

I kept telling myself not to shed a tears.
Or at least dont try to act one.
And yes, i did it.
Haha~
Well, i dont know whether it's the situation, make me more worried than crying.
But anyway, bravo!

We spend our time without saying much as last time.
We just sat down and silent fill the surrounding.
I guess both of us were too worried.
We tried to come out some topic to talk with, in the end we thought it would be best to keep silent.
Well, i still love that feeling.
At least it wont feel awkward.

Dear, thank you so much for coming back.
I know it may be hard, yet i could treat this as my birthday present.
I'm satisfied.
I hope we can kept our promise till the last breath we take.
It doesnt matter if one of us let go first.
At least we tried and we are happy with the length.
Sorry for being in this sad tone.
I just cant find any other word to say anymore.
I just want you to know, i miss you damn much.
I will be here waiting always...
*
Woohoo~
17th February!

Guess who's big day falls on this date?

It's my dear Mummy!

Gosh, mum, you're 64 right now!
Haha~
Kidding, you're officially 46.
Yet you still look prettier than yesterday.

Mum, thank you for all these years.
It must be tough to raise three monsters.
Especially they can be loud and active at the same time.
We fought, but we still love each other.
We laugh, and we know what's the best for each other.

Mum, you're the best!
Hope you stay happy always.
Please love longer, so we can always bring joy and happiness to your life.

Happy 46th Birthday, Mum!
I LOVE YOU <3


2011年2月15日星期二
谢谢你,亲爱的 =)

我回来了!

是的,到马口几天,我回来了!

在那边发生了很多事,每件事都超难忘的。
应该说,你都不能忘掉的。

可是对我而言,真的很值得。
有他在我身边,我都把心里长期压抑的事都告诉了他。
他是我唯一的倾诉对象。
凡事人任何事不方便到处讲的,他是我唯一的对象。
所以在他房里藏着我很多的诉苦和秘密。

那几天的时间真的很想在做梦。
就连现在写着这篇,我都还是觉得自己在做梦。
我还记得那天我还傻傻地告诉自己,希望自己不要醒来,就一直待在梦里好了。

还有2天而已。
他,就要回台湾了。
不要问我会不会不舍得,因为你都在讲废话。
但如果你问我,会不会觉得值得。
我会很正经地告诉你,太值得了,这是他的未来,为何不会觉得不值得呢?

亲爱的,谢谢那几天的陪伴。
虽然我们的计划告吹了,但这次的情人节真的太难忘了。
谢谢你。
还有,回到台湾,不要太想我哦~
哈哈~

2011年2月10日星期四
Why...

Why cant i be the one that i've been wishing for?

I want to be an independent girl.
The one who can be strong at the same time.
The one that no one can hurt her deeply.
The one who's willing to sacrifice herself for her loves one.

That's all i ever want.
That's all i ever wish since i take my first breath.

I should train myself.
I should motivate myself more.
I shouldnt let myself down for this stupid reason.
It's so irony.


Why cant i be that?
Just tell me one good reason...
Why...
*
Exactly 7 days.
He'll be flying back to Taiwan.

I need some time and space to adjust myself for his absent.
Well, since i do it once, i can do twice.
I just need time and space.

I know this time i'll be missing him much more.
I dont know how will i convince myself, but i just knew it.

Dear, we will see each other tomorrow until Tuesday.
5 days together.
Plus the 4 days you came to my house.
Total of 9 days, we've been spending out time together.
I'm glad i found you back.
I'm happy that you came back this time.
It might be tough for both of us, trust me, you always get a spot in my heart.
I do cherish every single second when you're next to me.
Even right now, i can feel your sense.
Just remember that we will go through every obstacles that stand in front of us.
We must!

Dear, i miss you more than ever...

2011年2月8日星期二
小小心愿实现了=)

小时候我很渴望拥有一件旗袍。
老妈子曾经有一件粉红色的。
而每当老妈子拿出来时,我的眼睛就会闪烁。
心里也会默默祈祷,我长大后要也有一件。

长大了,才发现原来穿旗袍需要适当的身材的。
要有丰满的上半身,有点小肚腩,腰的线条要够美,加上一点点地屁股,才能把旗袍穿出精华来。
而我就是常常被嫌太瘦,没有肉。
就算穿上了旗袍,都会很难看。

被人这么嫌,心里当然很不好受啊~
可是无论我再怎么吃,还是会被嫌。
唉~

就在今年,我和老妈子一起去逛街时,我们经过一件服装店。
里面卖着很多形式的旗袍。
全都以最新的剪裁设计的。
真的超美的。

我本来我今年也没望了。
所以只是进去里面逛逛看看而已。
突然老妈子拿着一件旗袍,要我到更衣室去试试。
受宠若惊的我,就只是呆呆地进去了更衣室,也换上了。
我还记得穿上旗袍后,我还对立了镜子了的我一阵子。
真的不敢相信我竟然穿着旗袍。

哈哈~
走出更衣室后,销售员说我还需要一点肉,但可以帮我做一点点改良。
这样就不会凸现我的缺点。
厚~
我当时还告诉自己,不中马票都没关系,至少我从小的心愿终于实现了!

新年期间当然一定会穿上啦~
虽然也听到很多亲戚朋友说我还真的需要一点肉,但大家都觉得我很美。
哈哈哈哈~

所以呢,小小的心愿,只要一直努力保持着。
坚信自己能够有一天能得到,最后的结果,你都愿意用一切来更换。

最后就献上我穿着旗袍时的样子。
要先说不好意思,因为我用手机来摄影的,所以效果不是很美。
但只要你觉得我很美就可以了。
哈哈哈~(也让大家看到我的新发型了。是不是很美叻~哈哈~ =p)

2011年2月6日星期日
Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer


MusicPlaylist
Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Kiss me
out of the bearded barley
Nightly
beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing
swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will
wear that dress
Oh, kiss me
beneath the milky twilight
Lead me
out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band
and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon’s sparkling
So kiss me
Kiss me
down by the broken tree house
Swing me
upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring
bring your flowered hat
We’ll take the trail marked on your
father’s map
*
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!
Sorry for the outdated update.
You know where i was.

Aint bragging much about this year celebration.
One word to conclude my celebration way: sleep.

Haha~
Yea, the others will leave it to your imagination.

Well, all i could say is, my luggage was much more heavier than last year.
I bought total of 5 clothes, 2 leggings, a pair of jeans.
Some more some accessories to add on.
Therefore, it all add up weights to my baby luggage.
Still, i'm kinda happy with my style this year.
With my new hair style, everything look brand new and stylish.
Haha~

Wont talk more again, or else secrets will reveal unconsciously.
Lastly, Happy Rabbit Year to you and you and you and you.
Thank you for the angpaus.
Hope i can get more next year.
=)

2011年2月1日星期二
想念之心

幾天沒更新寶貝部落格了。
對不起哦~
不過我相信都知道理由了啦~
哈哈~

是的,他上來找我。
我們就這樣度過了4天。

4天,都是滿滿的行程。
一直往外跑,也和很多朋友聚會了。
現在的腿是有點痛。
但都值得啦~
因爲都他陪伴,也有他安全的依靠。

現在他在路上要囘馬口了。
心理當然有點不捨,可是還是得放手。
是啊~
雖然短暫,但很開心,也覺得毫無遺憾了。
心裏很多想抒發的話也向他說了。(對不起哦~哈哈~讓你的耳朵折磨。>.<)

親愛的,我真的很想你哦~
有時我特地不想提起17號。
有時就是根本想把它忘了。
親愛的,我好想你哦。。。
*
那天帶著他出席我們的勞生晚餐。
很慶幸他能融入大家,可以很快地和大家打成一片。

看到大家時,我真的打從心底開心。
看到大家,仿佛有種回家的感覺。
這感覺真的太踏實了。
那瞬間真的很想與大家擁抱,好好的讓我心裏感到舒服。

當晚的我也是超自在的狀態之下。
不用想太多的話題,不用假心假意的問候。
只要打開心房,好好地珍惜和大家在一起的時光。
我真的很想用我的一切,來換囘當時的心情和氣氛。

是的。
每次的聚會,就是我最放鬆的時刻。
也是我能好好呼吸的時刻。
這種感覺,不是任何人都能給我的。

厚~
現在也開始想念他們每一人了。
朋友們,我們下次聚會,又會是何時呢。。。