I Will Always Love You 私は常に愛する

2010年3月30日星期二

I want to cry T.T

Argh~~~

I hate my mood nowadays!!!

My mood just switch on and off like pressing a remote control.

I hate it!!!

I cant talk to people normally.

As i curse easily due to that i'm unhappy.

I can treat people in the polite way.

Then the next minute i start hate that person.

I really hate my mood.

I felt like i cant live a normal life.

My chest felt like something is stuck inside.

I can breathe nor speak easily.

I felt like rotting in a dark corner.

Let there be nobody to care about me.

I felt like running away from this whole situation.

I want to take off this mask.

My eyes keep hoping for tears.

But it's wish cannot be made.

I was told by myself not to shed a tears.

No matter what circumstances, I cant shed a tears.

Tears is equals to weakness.

And i want to be strong.

Therefore i cant grant my eye's wish.

But i knew this feeling before.

It's just like last year.

I been through this.

I walked away from this.

And now, it came back to haunt me.

I felt ike crying and hiding away...

2010年3月28日星期日

昨天是327

还有两个星期。
我就要开学了。

心情怎样？
老实说，我都没有觉得紧张还是什么的。
反而很平常。
可能要到了前一天才会feel到。
哈哈～

不过说真的。
我到现在还是无法相信自己就这么轻快地下决定。
当然背后还隐藏了许多泪水和头痛。
不过到最后，还是深呼吸，然后说了自己的决定。

是啊～
要延后我的梦想。
到国外读书的梦想。
从小到大的梦想。
准确来说，心还是会隐隐作痛。
因为我是个很容易就动摇的女生。

每天都麻醉自己，我是一定会出到的。
只要我坚持下去。
努力读书。
让自己不要失望先，再进行下个步骤。
久了，那个痛楚慢慢消失了。

所以还是会对自己说：“依琳啊～你是可以的！！！”
*
昨天和嫣还有stef到戏院看戏。

去看了Tim Burton的《Alice In Wonderland》
说真的，本来一开始是为了Johnny Depp而期待的。
他演的角色是The Mad Hatter。
是专门为皇后制造帽子的。

最初知道他的角色时，脑海就立刻浮现这个画面。

卡通版那个讲话很大舌头的。
（说真的，我到现在还是不能相通那帽子上的10/6)
本来还有点小小期待Johnny Depp讲话也会有点大舌头，怎知没有。
不过Johnny Depp还是那么吸引我。
^^

看完了整部戏，我反而很怀念The Red Queen和The White Queen这两个角色。

她们两个都是亲生姐妹。
可是因为妹妹天生长得温柔，善解人意，漂亮，头小小的，所以是最得宠的。
反而姐姐从小因为头大大，被看成是怪兽，从小都忽略。
姐姐因为不甘王位就酱让给妹妹，就开始攻打Underland。

看到最后，我很可怜姐姐。
从小没感受到爱，连做了Red Queen，身边都是为了保住自己的头，而骗了她的感情。
虽然最后她输了这场战争，她还是发现了身边的骗子。

人啊～
就是酱。
会为了得到某些从小未得到的东西，而开始遮住眼睛。
只要有人愿意奉献，他都愿意投网。
只因那是他从小就渴望的。
*
昨天是327。
意味着他在台湾一个月了。

真的很快。
仿佛昨天才到机场送他机。

差不多每晚我们都通过skype来联络感情。
可是有时我真的很讨厌这段距离。
有时我会突然缺乏安全感。
感觉他既遥远，可是他还是在我心里。

可能是我多心吧～
还是每个人都会这个样？
我不知道。
我只知道，在酱下去，我会慢慢失去他。
我会尝试改变这个心态。
我不能再失去他了。
正确来说，我已经没有力气再去伤悲了。
我会珍惜这段感情。
一直到永久。

亲爱的，一个月了咯～
呵呵～
还是要说不好意思，我会有酱的心态。
我知道自己是不对的。
我会尝试改过的。
亲爱的，你在那边也开始习惯了。
慢慢地，你可能会为了课业或是一些无关紧要的事情而忙。
可是我还是会这里等你。
等着你回来，让我紧紧地抱着你。
亲爱的，我很想你。。。

2010年3月26日星期五

Meet Me On The Equinox by Death Cab For Cuties

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Meet me on the Equinox
Meet me half way
When the sun is perched at it’s highest peak
In the middle of the day
Let me give my love to you
Let me take your hand
As we walk in the dimming light
Oh darling understand
That everything, everything ends
That everything, everything ends
Meet me on your best behavior
Meet me at your worst
For there will be no stone unturned
Or bubble left to burst
Let me lay beside you, Darling
Let me be your man
And let our bodies intertwine
But always understand
That everything, everything ends
That everything, everything ends
That everything, everything, everything ends
A window
An opened tomb
The sun crawls
Across your bedroom
A halo
A waning moon
Your last breaths
Moving through you
As everything, everything ends
As everything, everything ends
As everything, everything, everything
Everything, everything, everything ends
Meet me on the Equinox
Meet me half way
When the sun is perched at it’s highest peak
In the middle of the day
Let me give my love to you
Let me take your hand
As we walk in the dimming light
Oh darling understand
That everything, everything ends
*
Oh gosh~
March is coming to and end.
There goes another month during 2010.

Feels like yesterday i only came back from countdown.
And now it's the third month of 2010.
The fourth month is coming.

What have i done?
Let me see?

I start to work.
I worked until late midnight before and during chinese new year.
I was sicked due to lack of sleep.
I was happy i get a chance to get with him.
My heart ached lots of time.
I sent him off to Taiwan.
I chat with him almost every night.
I miss him a lot.

And now, the fourth month is coming.
I'm going to start my college.
I'm going to step my first step to my future.
I'm going to grow more mature to welcome this world.
I'm going to miss him much more.
*
Around 2 weeks, i'm going resign.

Kinda miss everyone at the office.
I mean we laughed, joked, cried...
In just this three month, i learned to do so many thing.
I learned so many tricks.

Yet i will miss everyone.
><

Nah~
Wont say too much.
I'll leave the rest until the day i left...

2010年3月24日星期三

已经18了!!

2010年3月23日
本小姐已经18岁了 ^^

本来都不是很想庆祝的。
可是答应了一班朋友出去喝茶。
答应了同事的邀请。
才会今年吹了两次蛋糕。
(照片会迟点放上来，因为现在不是在自己的电脑。)

真的很感谢大家。
说真的，我很感动。
内心一直都在澎湃。
那份激情和感动，我一直不能忘记。
*
是啊~
已经18岁了。

该是时候长大了。
该是时候让自己更大胆了。
该是时候让自己更能挑战性。

我会更努力学着怎样付出。
学会怎样去爱。
学会怎样去奉献。
学会怎样去牺牲。

我会让自己变得更坚强。
我会让全世界都知道，我本小姐，是有骄傲的一面。

2010年3月22日星期一

Hehe~
Less than 2 hours to go and i'll be celebrating my 18th birthday.

Man~
How time really flies.
And now, here i am, turning 18.
But i'll leave all the words to express the day after tomorrow.
Just to see how i really feels.
Haha.
><
*
Anyway, i've registered myself to college.
Will start my course at 12th of April.

Feeling a lil excited.
I mean, duh~ this is the first time i ever choose my own school and my favourite subject.
I told myself, this will be my birthday gift i gave to myself.
And i promise myself not to let anyone down.
Especially me myself.

I've always imagine how my life will be after graduating.
And now here i am, living truly in this fact.

I start work.
I start worried whether i can support my dreams till the end.
I start to seek for my future.
I start to pray hard for my future sake.
I start telling myself it's time to grow up and face it.

I learn to be strong.
I learn to be a tough girl.
I learn to be love.
I learn to be be loved.
I learn to encourage myself to challenge somethings.
I learn to face this society.

I truly am appreciate every breath i take.
We really do cant predict what we'll be next.
Or whether if we are still breathing.
But appreciate these breathe and it will take you the next level of living.

Telling myself now, prepare the face the world now.
I'm 18 now.
And it's time to open my eyes and face it.
No more pampering, no more volcanoes, no more sweetness.
It'll be only me and myself.

Just looking forward to be 18...

2010年3月20日星期六

想念大家。。。

呜呜～
今天本来打算去学校报名的。
可是没有开。。。

唉～
明天可能要请半天假。

又赚少钱了。。。
*
刚刚在车上讲到我在公司里面的称呼。
才发现我在公司里面是没有名的。

怎样讲叻？

你看，那个马来和印度司机叫我girl。
华人司机叫我表妹。（因为是我表姐带我进来做的啊～）
在办公室里，就有人叫我：“小妹”“妹妹”“美女”
那些外劳也叫我：“妹妹”
我的上司就叫我：“十三点”（那些知道我的绰号也是叫十三点）
甚至有个销售员知道我王力宏粉丝就一直叫我：“王力宏”

才做三个月而已，就那么多名字了。
而且都没有一个是叫的准确。
哈哈～
除了我表姐会叫我名之外，其他都不叫 T.T

不过我还蛮开心啦～
至少没有人欺负我，反而时常逗我。
不过我也时常带欢乐给他们。
每天都有人来找我帮忙。
酱可以学到很多东西。
真的很开心。

开始有点不舍他们了。。。
*
很快。
他就在台湾快要以后一个月了。

到现在还是有点不习惯。
现在的我，每天除了想念他，还是想念他。
当然还是默默为他祈祷。

祈祷他在那边一切顺利。
祈祷他在那边平安。
祈祷他在那边每天都健健康康。
祈祷他在那边每天都快快乐乐。
至少我愿意用我一切来换取。。。

亲爱的，在那边都很好哦？
还是老话一句，要会照顾自己哦～
我在这边都很好。
我在这边很开心。
虽然很思念你，可是我真的很开心。
在那边你要加油哦～
真的真的很想念你 ^^

2010年3月18日星期四

Makes me wonder

Well, there's nothing much happened this few days.

Same routine again and again and again.

But the weird things is, i never get tired of it.
I dont know why.
And i just realize it this morning.
Truth speaking here.

I mean, i wake up every morning.
And i knew what's i'm going to do.
Arrive at office, first thing to do is on the computer, then start key in file.
After that, my filing job will start until 5.30pm.
And then maybe i'll running up and down all around the office.

There.
My daily job in a day.

Then come back home and start chat with him.

Haha~
And i never get tired of it.
Haha~

Makes me wonder...
*
Anyway, i still cant believe i'm starting school real soon.

Still wish i can be around the office making money.

Haiz~
But this is what i choose to.
So, gotta keep the game in my mind.
*
My birthday is around the corner.
Less than 1 week.
Hurray~

But i dont wish to celebrate it.
I just want a peaceful celebration.
Let me and myself to clean my inner self and let me get through this new year.
Hehe~
^.^

2010年3月16日星期二

决定了

很快哦~
我就在公司做了快三个月。
而我也要开学了。

是的。
我已决定我的学校和未来了。
虽然还是很迷茫，但我希望我现在不会后悔。
至少也让我去尝尝。

决定在iact上课。
就在Jaya One而已。
你们有谁得空可以约我在附近吃哦~
Jaya One有很多餐馆。^^
而且附近有Utar，也有可能可以认识一两位来自那儿的哦~

也决定主修公关了。
想想，还是觉得公关的出路比较多元。
不会死死锁在一个区域而已。
但愿我没有做错决定，毕竟从小我也梦想过当公关。
*
就快开学了。
也意味我和他聊天的时间可能也越来越少了。

心，还是有点不甘。
不过我会加油的。
就像你现在在台湾一样。
我会努力的。
证明给大家看，我是可以的。

要相信自己哦~
就像你相信我那样。
我会加把劲的。
不让自己失望，不让自己难过，不让自己在心里流眼泪

你也要加油哦~
我会在这里支持着你。
^^

2010年3月14日星期日

Lost but touched...

After getting my result, went to two school to check it out.

Still, cant decide which school i should take.

I mean, all these years, i dream to study at Taiwan.
But reality just cant get me there.
I have to either sacrifice it or make myself more depressed.

I dont know.
I mean i just cant see my future clearly.
There's too much haze.
I cant see it.
Feel likes i'm walking in a jungle.
The trees surrounding me is my enemy.
The haze is making the situation worse.
I can see the sunlight but i cant reach there.
I can hear the water sound but i just cant find it.
Birds are singing in the sky but i just cant enjoy it.

You know, that's how i feel now.
And i want to walk out this jungle soon...
*
Yesterday chatted with him through skype almost 3 hours.

I do enjoy the moment.
And i'll cherish it in my heart forever.

Weather is getting better there.
At least the warm feeling is coming back.
Summer will be there soon.
And i guess he'll probably yelling hot.
Maybe i can even see him without clothes on. *^.^*
Haha~

He did something that touched my heart very deeply.
It was truly a surprise.
A surprise which almost caught my tears down.
Of course i love it.
I love it more than anything.

Dear, thanks for the surprise.
Till now i still cant get the feeling off me.
I'm so touched that i want to hug you and kiss you as a thanks gift.
Dear, i miss you so much.
I'll be here waiting for you.
Just promise me you'll be fine there.
And i'll promise i'll be here waiting.

2010年3月11日星期四

姐姐真美丽(Replay) SHINee

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

[종현]
누난 너무 예뻐서 남자들이 가만 안 둬
흔들리는 그녀의 맘 사실 알고 있어
[온유]
그녀에게 사랑은 한순간의 느낌일 뿐
뭐라 해도 나에겐 삶의 everything

[All]
아마 그녀는 어린 내가 부담스러운가봐
[Key]
날 바라보는 눈빛이 말해주잖아
[All]
and I think I`m gonna hate it girl
끝이 다가 오는 걸
[종현]
가슴이 말해준다 누가 뭐래도

*[All]
누난 너무 예뻐
([태민]그 그녀를 보는 나는) 미쳐
([태민] 하 하지만 이젠 지쳐)
Replay Replay Replay
추억이 내 맘을 할퀴어
([태민]아 아파서 이젠 맘을) 고쳐
([태민] 다 다가올 이별에 난)
Replay Replay Replay

[온유]
누난 나의 M.V.P. 부러움에 뿌듯했지
[태민]
늘 시선집중 그녀와 함께 있는 난 So cool
[종현]
제발 이 손을 놓지 말자 던 나의 다짐은
[온유]
어느 순간부터 거짓인걸 알아

[All]
아마 그녀는 착한 내가 별 재미없었나 봐
[Key]
날 대하는 몸짓이 말하고 있잖아
[All]
and I think I`m gonna hate it girl
끝이 다가 오는 걸
[종현]
가슴이 소리친다 이별 앞에서

**[All]
누난 너무 예뻐
([태민]그 그녀를 보는 나는) 미쳐
([태민] 하 하지만 이젠 지쳐)
Make up Shake up Break up
추억이 내 맘을 할퀴어
([태민]아 아파서 이젠 맘을) 고쳐
([태민] 다 다가올 이별에 난)
Make up Shake up Break up

[All]
아 아 아름다운 그녀는 아 아 아직까지 누구와
진실 된 사랑의 맛을 본적이 없는 게 분명해
아 아 아쉽게도 그녀는 아 아 아직 어린 나에겐
진실 된 사랑의 마음을
[종현]
받을 수 없는지

* (Repeat)
* [All]
누난 너무 예뻐
([태민]그 그녀를 보는 나는) 미쳐
([민호] Uh 그녀와 나의 Love)
미쳐 ([태민] 하 하지만 이젠 지쳐)
([민호] Uh I just go crazy `cuz)
Replay Replay Replay
([민호] I I I love you girl)
추억이 내 맘을 할퀴어
([태민]아 아파서 이젠 맘을)
([민호] Uh 마음이 아파서)
고쳐 ([태민] 다 다가올 이별에 난)
([민호] Yo I wanna hold U girl)
Replay Replay Replay
([민호] I I I love you)

[All]
누난 너무 예뻐 (I keep thinkin `bout you)
누난 예뻐(I keep dreaming `bout you)
[민호/기범]
진실된 사랑의 맛을 본 적이
[All]
누난 너무 예뻐 (I keep thinkin `bout you)
누난 예뻐 (I keep dreaming `bout you)
[민호]
진실된 사랑의 마음을
*
今天拿了成绩。
该说什么好呢？
就只拿到1A4B3C1D.

呵呵~
我的数学是拿到唯一一个A叻~
哈哈~
兴奋到。。。我妈都不认得我了。哈哈~

还能说什么？
这就是我的成绩。
想上述可是又有点懒。
自认这样就可以了。已经很满足了。
所以大致上，我还很开心啦~
*
拿到成绩后，我们一班姐妹就跑到1U唱k。
说是要为了发泄考试考到不很好的。

不过也是因为我们一班姐妹很久没聚在一起了。
真的很怀念大家。
^^
暂时手头上没有照片，要等嫣寄照片来给我。
*
他说他遇到一个很帅的老师。
我想看啦~

不理啦~
我想看啦~
呵呵~
很想你哦~
^^

*
对了，在此要感谢洁曦。
她好像为了我们的打赌而留了头发。
真的很感动哦~

2010年3月9日星期二

Woa~

Two more days!
And i'll be getting my result.

Woa~
Seems like i just passed up my last paper of spm.
And now, after three month of bloody waiting, finally we are getting our result.

Shall i be happy or anxious?
I dont know.

All i know is i gotta find a school soon.
Yes. Very soon.
Urgently soon.
And i mean it.

Why?
Because my name is in the list of National Service a.k.a PLKN.
Haha~
It's truly a surprise, right?
I'm on second batch.

But i'm not going.
That's mean i gotta find a school, get the letter and pass it up ASAP.
><
*
He's there for like a week more now.
The weather aint looking good there.
Today's only 8 degrees celsius.
And he's wearing three shirt just to keep him warm.
Haha~

But he's looking good.
And he still look charming as he always does.
(OH MY GOD ^^)

Has started his class.
And he enjoys it.
Hope he'll complete his course as plan.
*
I really do miss everyone.

And i had date from everyone.
Haha~

I'm trying my best to arrange my budget and time.
I know, i'm kinda poor and busy.
So, guys/girls, i'll be there in no time.
^^

2010年3月7日星期日

去看S.H.E.演唱会

昨晚跟表姐和她的男朋友一起去看S.H.E.的演唱会。

就在Stadium Bukit Jalil。
晚上8时开始。

由于我们还早到。
大概4点多就到现场了。
我们就百般无聊在附近走走。

突然下起大雨来。
可是门又还没开，我们就到附近避雨。

这是雨刚开始下时。
那是还不会说很大。
那些粉丝很坚持地站在原地。

本来那些工作人员很坚持7点多才开门。
不过好像是因为看到我们大家都淋雨，心疼我们，就开门了。
结果就变成这个画面了。

我们也慢慢跟着进啦～
因为我们买的是有号码对照，所以可以慢慢来，不用急。^^

一进到现场，开始拿纸巾出来抹脚。
(我很讨厌脚湿湿的感觉，尤其还穿着鞋子><)

可是我们好像还真的蛮早进，就也无聊开始让自拍虫爬满全身。

大概8点多，演唱会就开始了。
本来是有拍到几张照片的。
可是那些spotlight太猛了，看不到人物，就放弃念头，专心投入演唱会的气氛。

这是我第一次听到S.H.E.现场演唱的功力。
真的太棒了!
尤其Hebe。她的高音简直就干净得完美。
不会让人听到腻。
反而你会一直想继续听下去。

Ella也有进步了。
开始穿短裙。
还穿高跟鞋小跳一段舞。

Selina简直就是甜甜公主。
让人有股冲动想捏她。
哈哈～

总之，整场演唱会下来，我都在high的情绪。
没有一刻是冷的。
自己也全身用力地在喊，在疯的状态。
喊到头有点痛，喉咙也差点失声。
现在脚有点酸痛。
因为一直在跳。><

总之真的很值得看。
三个女生的声音，再加上大家给予她们的爱，完美地让这场演唱会圆满进行。
^^
*
也因为喊了，心里舒服了很多。

在喊的过程，我都把心里的不舒服，不愉快全都抛了出来。
现在的心好像减轻了很多。

不过S.H.E.里头的有些歌不禁让我想起他。
还有刚开始时，我的隔壁位置一直没出现，我那时真的很希望他就能在我身边。
让我躺躺在他肩膀也好。
陪我聊废话也好。
有他在就好了。

在台湾还好吧？
记得照顾自己哦～
要开学了，专心在学业就可以了。
我在这边都很好。
无需担心我。^^

2010年3月5日星期五

my heart is crying...

Woa~
I just cant believe it.
My heart still ache till now.

Yesterday i went to Seremban.
Just because to attend one of my collegue's husband funeral.
It's so saddening.
All happen in just a second.

I wont tell the story here.
As to protect the family privacy.

But as a collegue and friend, i would just like to say.

Darl, you'll going to be fine.
Everything will be sort out.
You are a strong girl, i believe.
Dont fall back as we always will stand behind you and support you.
You are mother too.
She'll be need your help soon.
Just stay strong and be here.
Dont go too far away.
We'll be here.
Just stay strong.
You're A STRONG GIRL.
*
At the same time, my mind been going through a lot. Again.

My mind keep swirling images.
Images of my friends and family.
Images of my love ones.
Images of all the memories.
Images of all the precious moment.

You cant fortell what's going to happen in the spilt second.
You cant grab anything in the end.
You cant let go of yourself in the end.
You wont know what will your future will look like.

All i know, my heart had cry a lot a lot of times.
I love all the people surrounding me.
I cant count how much love have i contribute to them.
All i know is to keep love them. Even until the day i die...

I miss everyone suddenly.
I love everyone so deeply.

This funeral really had makes me thought a lot.
I just want a place to lick my eyes now...
*
Man~
I really do miss him now.

He really do occupied my head.

Once i close my eyes, he just come straight to me.

Haiz~
It's true.
I cant tell him how i feel in the first moment.
I gotta keep it till night.
Or sometimes until the day after tomorrow.

But no matter what, i really do miss him.
(I hope i'm not sick ><)

2010年3月1日星期一

希望你过得很好。。。

就酱，他在台湾都三天了。
真的还是有点不习惯。
凡是什么心事都不能第一时间告诉他。
><
希望他在那边会过得很好。

不过现在我每天回家，都知道他可能在线上了。
至少这段时间他都会在线上。
不过开课了以后。。。
到时我就要宽恕他了。
知道他是在忙学业。
而我就尽可能不要一直去打扰他。
><
*
唉~
就酱快。
三月了。

可是我还是没消息关于我该在哪间学校上课。
就连自己的心也时常被动摇。
A说该这样这样，我就觉得他是对的。
B说该那样那样，我觉得他有道理。
搞得我现在也不知道该怎样是好。

真的很烦。
不知道该怎样下决定。。。
*
哎哟~
到底我们是不是16号拿成绩的？！

很多人都听到是16号。
那，16号是不是准确的？
或者说16号的几率不是很大吗？

啊~
不懂啦~
只求快点给个答案来。
省省我每天到处去问人的精神，时间和口水。
=.=