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Dilemma

I really need time and a lone space to think about it now.
It's been too many pressure and money and time and energy had wasted without any payback.

I'm torn in a dilemma between responsibility and worthy.
Yes, being responsibility is a good thing.
But no matter how hard or how much you've put yourself in, and there's nothing for payback, you'll start thinking, why the hell should i work this hard?

Plus, i'm a student without any income and i still depend on my parent (in a way).
I've wasted that much money and time just to get one work done.
At the end of the day, i dont get much payback.
It felt a little heartache.
And i really need money and time to get things done.

Yes, when this first came to mind, i should take action.
Instead i told myself, maybe things will get much more easier after this.
And yes, i have got no balls to think deeply.
So i just let the problem grows.

And now, the problem now had affect my daily life.
It had make my surroundings grew more concern and worries.
For your record, i hate this damn much.
I never like people to worry my that much.
As if i cant live my life independently.
As if i need something to be strong.

No!
This is not what i want.
I always wish to be a strong girl without any support.
It had been my wish since i was 13.

Right now, i need a space to think thoroughly.
What is worth for me to stay?
What's the reason that i should stay?
Should i give up or stay?
In the end of the day, do i get back equally as i've done?

And i need the answer now...
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Finally, the first assignment for 2nd sem had finished and hand in.
Still remember how rushed we were.
Everyone was busy with the assignment and no one give a damn to Pengajian Malaysia. (Ooops~)

First assignment for this semester was Photography and Digital Image.
We were asked to shoot a studio shoot.
It was quite hard at the beginning.
There were too many themes and we couldnt choose one.
In the end, it was Nikki came out an idea of doing masquerade.
And everyone agreed with it.

So off we went for searching masks.
The model supposedly was Eunice's friend.
But she got things to do, and luckily Eunice found her cousin, and we all had to agreed.

During the photo shoot also given us a lot of trouble.
But thank Buddha, we did it on time.

Lastly, to choose five pictures and 1 features from it.
Chosen and start doing editing with photoshop.
Again it was quite hard in a way.
Still, we manage to do it and we hope that lecturer will not be disappointed with it.

Develop the pictures out and stick it on a mounting board.
Some more need to measure the boarder line.
You should see how we were in the class.
No one actually did listen to the lecture.
We were all rushing to meet the deadline.
Which is at 5pm.
Around 4:45pm, the lecturer had given up and he left the classroom.
I felt so sorry for him.
But who cares at that moment, we were all rushing to meet deadline.

Well, in the end, we did make it on time.
Hope everything will turn out fine.

End of reporting first assignment.
Now gotta start for the second assignment.
><
*
I know i'm suck but i was thinking not to contact with him for a period of time.

I've told him everything what i'm going through now and i think i had spoiled his day.
I felt bad for him.
So, i came out an idea.
Stop contact with him until i get things solve.

I know i sound selfish.
But i just dont want him to feel so worry for me.
And i dont want to keep spilling all these problems to him anymore.
He's innocent and he cant do anything but just listen.
I feel so bad and suck whenever i end the conversation with him.

I hope he's not mad with my idea.
I just want him to stay out of this until i get things solve...

16:56 ·