I Will Always Love You 私は常に愛する

2011年3月30日星期三

This is killing me!

Recently, the weather is killing me.
Even i had to tie my hair up.
Yup. I tied my hair up.

Look, at this moment, it's a big sunny day.
It's damn hot and you feel like bathing in a tub full of ice.
Then you want to eat a bucket of ice cream to cool yourself down.
You have to turn on the air conditional and let the room cool down.

Then, the climate change.
Dark clouds start to gather.
Though there's no wind, you start to feel cold.
You let your hair down.
You turn off the air conditional.
The next thing, you heard raindrops falling from sky.
You rush out to collect your clothes back before it's too late.
Sit beside the window, you would like to drink a cup of warm drinks and listen to smoothing songs.

Around one or two hours, big sunny come out again.
And you repeat the procedures again.

So, how can not the weather be so killing?
That explains why i'm feeling weak at some times.
This sickening weather is making me sick.
Haiz...
*
Four more days to end my sem break.
And i heard that our schedule has been posted on the net.
Before that, i saw my course mate are complaining.
Ok.
I havent seen it yet.
But for now, i need to go meditate.
Because i'm afraid i'll lose my mind too.

Let's see what will i be doing for the next four day.

Stay at home.
Baking.
Watching drama/movies/variety show.
Sleep late.
Complaining.
Nagging.
Eat.
Drink.
Bath.
Happy.
Sad.
Tears.
Laughter.
Disappointment.
Bored.

Anything else?

Oh ya, i'm going back hometown this weekend.
For what?
QING MING LAH!

Luckily i've downloaded some dramas and movies.
In case...
Well, i dont want to go further anymore.
But let's hope i wont get sick, or any serious anymore.
Ok?
I love you <3
Haha~
*
You know what?
After every argument, though i can feel we are getting stronger, i've learn a lot too.
All thanks to this relationship.

I learn how to forgive. (Still in the progress of forgetting.)
I learn how to control my temper.
I learn how to deal with crisis.
I learn how to deal with my stupid mind that is always full with stupid thoughts.
I learn how to make decision. Though it hurts so much.

I can see my thoroughly.
Therefore from there, i always remind myself, not to make the same mistake.

That's why, i always pray that if some day, we really end our relationship.
At least he found someone who is great in folding clothes.
Someone who is very gentle all the time.
A girl who is always obedient to him.
Someone that treats him nicer than me.
Ya, that's how i am right now.

No, we arent in crisis now.
It's just something happened and i know i had to be strong.

But dear, please be happy.
Because you deserve it.
You worth every second spent.
Alright?

But no matter what happened, i miss you more than anyone.
=)

2011年3月28日星期一

宅女

这接近两个星期都在家里当宅女。
在家随意到网站逛逛，然后看看综艺节目电影连续剧。
觉得无聊了，就关起电脑，打开电视机看。
不然就直接躺在沙发上，读起书来。

只有偶尔朋友有约，才盛装打扮一下出席。
不过在那之前，还得经过一轮的唠叨。
也好，因为不知在未来我还能不能听到这些声音。
不要乱想，我没事。
只是你看，最近那么天灾发生，大家都在预测世界快要末日了。
那就想趁世界还没末日之前，想多听听这些唠叨。

应该说接近三个星期吧~
就这样的过活。
我那天才领悟到。
这是我毕业以来，第一次这么无聊在家。
因为之前啊，只要接近假期，我就会接到电话，要我上班。
然后就再假期间，拼命地打工赚钱。
一刻都没休息到。

这还是第一次呢~
我还真有点不惯。
总觉得我该活动一下我的身子。
可是就是找不到事情来干。

就只好这样地当宅女咯~
也许是好事，也许是坏事。
就摆了。
反正下个星期就要开课了。

2011年3月26日星期六

What happened?!

Great, this happened once, and now it happened again.

Darn it, what have i done?
I did not consume any alcohol.
I drank as much water as i could.
I did not punch myself.
I did not touch any dirty stuff.
I do things regularly.
Nothing went wrong.

But why is my left eye swollen now?
Best thing is, it pain whenever i blink my eye; pain whenever i rub my face; pain whenever i slept on the left side.
And the funny thing is, one eye big, one eye small.
Haiz...

Not going to post any pictures up here.
It's fugly.
And i dont want to scare die you.
Haha~

But it did happened once, and now again?
Haiz... Can someone please tell what happened?
*
I hate to say this, but i had a weird dream last night.
Something in my heart tells me, something is going to happen.

And it did.
This morning, when i was checking my mail.
Someone sent me an email.
At first i wasnt that freak out.
But until i read the whole content, my heart beats faster and my mind went blank.

I knew it.
I am a coward from all these times.
I should speak out from the first place when Omma asked me the question.
I should.
And now, i had to bear this pressure.

I need to gather my courage now.
I cant give any excuse anymore.

No means No, and No never means Yes.

I quit.
That's my answer.
And i will hand the letter in order to had a good night sleep...
*
Gosh~
I still cant get myself out from that video he made.
It's too sweet and i'm gonna get diabetic in anytime.
Haha~

I can feel our bond are getting stronger and tougher as time goes by.
I'm glad that even we are far apart from each other, we still trust each other and manage to make each other smile.

Yes, there were times when conflict happen.
But that's the way it is.
You cant always be the perfect one, but you can always try to fit in.
But before that, when two strangers meet and they fall for each other, obstacles and challenges will appear.
It's just how you deal with it.

Dear, i still cant stop saying thank you.
Thanks for your love and your trust.
Just dont be worry about me at here. I'm fine.
Try to think of it, less than 9 months and we'll be seeing each other again.
Less than 1 year, you'll be back here.
Though we still cant decide for our future, let's just concentrate on our present and work harder for it.

Dear, i miss you so much...

2011年3月24日星期四

相见你金范秀

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

아무리 기다려도 난 못가
바보처럼 울고 있는 너에 곁에
상처만 주는 나를 왜 모르고
기다리니 떠나가란 말야

보고싶다~~
보고싶다~~
이런 내가 미워질 만큼~~
울고 싶다~~
내게 무릎 꿇고
모두 없던 일이 될수 있다면
미칠듯 사랑했던 기억이
추억들이 너를 찾고 있지만
더 이상 사랑이란 변명에 너를 가둘수 없어
이러면 안되지만
죽을 만큼 보고 싶다

보고싶다~~
보고싶다~~
이런 내가 미워질만큼~~
믿고 싶다 오른 길이라고
너를 위해 떠나야 한다고
미칠듯 사랑했던 기억이
추억들이 너를 찾고 있지만
더 이상 사랑이란 변명에 너를 가둘수 없어
이러면 안되지마
죽을만큼 보고 싶다
죽을만큼 보고 싶다
*
19岁了！
2011年3月23日，我正式踏入19岁了。

本来只是想打算在家，一个人默默地庆祝就好了。
因为不想大家破费，也不想大家特地挪时间出来。
可是就在前一两天接到表姐的电话，问我要不要出门，顺便庆祝一番。
就也不知怎的，就答应了。

我们最初现到Kota Damansara的“客家人”享用午餐。
后来就到TTDI的Celcom处理一些事情。
发现那里没有表姐要的东西，就放弃念头了。
我们就转移地点到The Curve去。
买了戏票看《Beastly》，时间还早，就到处逛逛。
发现街上很多一大半的人，才记得也是spm放榜。
那就先恭喜各位获得佳绩。那些失败了也没关系。这只是人生其中的考验，并不是一切哦~千万不要因为这点失败就放弃了。实在太蠢了。现在就给自己点空间，好好思考未来的方向。也许你会踏错步，但这就是人生。要好好享受哦~

回来正题。
因为我的平底鞋开嘴巴了。
本来想买的。可是逛了很多店，都找不到心意的。
没关系啦~就慢慢咯~
时间到了，我们就回到戏院那里。
相信大家都知道了《Beastly》的剧情，我也不想在这里说，因为怕会离题。哈哈~

戏院出来，又走走一下，才决定在Papa Rich享用晚餐。
接着也没什么事，就回家了。

接着，重头戏来了。
上网了，就和他聊天。
他就一直要我看一片影片，可是因为好像版权的问题，不能在网上观看。
他就想了办法，也终于给我看到了。

我的天啊~
怎么大家都这么有默契，竟然可以什么声都不出，就这样隐瞒了两个多月。
当然也谢谢他的用心和爱。
我现在也无语了。
再也找不到任何适当的词眼来形容我的心情。
眼泪也流了很多次。

最后，谢谢你们！
我已经19岁了。
我会变得更坚强，更自立，更有主见。
我会继续迈向我的目标，我的理想。
偶尔我会发牢骚，可是我都不会放弃。
我会改掉我的坏脾气和没耐心。
我会更加强我的优点。

李依琳，祝你19岁快乐！
<3
*

亲爱的，该说的，我昨天已经说了。
除了谢谢，还是谢谢。
谢谢你的爱，谢谢你的包容，谢谢你的宽恕。
谢谢你给我的回忆，感谢你让我在每次的冲突中成长。
感谢你直到现在还在我身边。

这份礼物太美了，也太无价了。
那些眼泪都值得流的。

亲爱的，你真的太棒了！
但愿我们能在未来，还是牵着彼此的手。
我是一天比一天还要更爱你。

亲爱的，我爱你！

2011年3月22日星期二

4 more sem!

Oh hell, yes, i'm officially done with Sem3!
And now, 4 more sem, i'm done with my diploma.
Which will leads me to another junction of life.

Work? Degree at overseas or local?
Yup, that should be one question i should start consider now.
But i just couldnt make my mind.
But, whatever, maybe someday at sometime, the answer will reveal.

Now, back to present.
Principles of Journalism paper was quite easy, in a way.
Just like what the lecturer had said, if you concentrate in class, you are not a loser.
Well, indeed.
Because everything in paper was exactly what he taught in class.
I mean from lesson1 to the last lesson, every single things he taught was in the paper.

Overall, i think i can pass the paper.
Except the headline part, which got me a bit confused and i hope i wrote what the lecturer wants.

So, for now, i shall enjoy my two weeks holiday.
What am i going to do?
Honestly, i dont know.
Haha~
*
22 March 2011.
My last day being 18.
So far, i'm happy with my life.
And if i had to say what should i change to make my life complete, it's definitely gotta be my temper.

I'll be 19 from tomorrow.
But for those who know me well, i do not really like high profile celebration.
Maybe just a small chit chat session at Mamak with my loves, already make my day.
Therefore, please, ok?
Haha~

Nah~
I wont going to nag much about my thoughts.
I'll leave that after i'm officially 19.

So, for now, i will enjoy my last day being 18.
=)
*
I always feel great after chatting with him.
Especially webcam-ing with him.
We always discuss random things and laugh at random things.
It's felt warm heart with him.

And finally, he's recover.
After two weeks fighting with sick virus, he's finally recover.
Shall i pop the champagne?
Haha~
Nah~
I will keep it for the important days.

So for now, both of us will work harder for our own future.
It might tough, but we know we can make it till the end.

Dear, i miss you damn much.

2011年3月20日星期日

早就该。。。

只要挨过明天，我就可以暂时大声宣告：考试，你完了！
哈哈~

这张试卷真的不知道要读什么好。
不要再讲师的坏话了。
已经造了很多口业。
自己也讲到闲了。
也不知道该用什么词眼了。
那就，自然就好。
看到什么，就给他胡乱写一通。
最重要有要点就可以了。

就是这样咯~
也不知道要说什么了。
那，就祝我好运啦~
呵呵~
*
日本大地震。
都发生有一个星期多了。

这是发生那么天灾以来，感觉最平静的一个。
没有任何地吵闹声，大家都有持序地互相帮忙。
虽然偶尔传来绝望的声音，但都很快被隐藏了。
日本啊~
真的是我梦想的国家。

可是最令我感到诡异的一点，为什么要发生这种事了，看到日本人的礼貌和和平，我们现在才要拿出来做题讨论？
这种事不是很早就该学习了。
为何要发生了这种事，我们才要开始反省？
我都不知道该不该笑，还是苦闷好呢？

日本，在我看来，真的是最强大的国家。
人民都很有礼貌，商家和政府有着密切的关系，大家都知道有福同享，有难同当。
那，这些道理，都是在很久很久以前就该学习了。
*
昨天超值的回味的。
听着他那把还在赖床的声音，心里甜滋滋的。
那种声音，听起来，值得你去疼惜他，值得你付出你的心来爱他。
哈哈~
说得有感夸张，不过真的是我当时的心情。
果然是我的男人。
哈哈~

亲爱的，病好了吗？
要找着医生给的药吃哦~
不然哪能病好？
不能病好，就不能专心为未来打拼了。
要乖乖哦~

我好想你噢~

2011年3月18日星期五

Ranting

It's Friday.
And...
Nah~ Just forget it.
Not a big fan of Rebecca Black.
Ooops~

Anyhow, last paper on Monday and i guess i'm done studying.
I mean there's really nothing to study at all.
I cant really get what the lecturer wants.
He just like gave us what is IN the paper.
By that, i mean, the paper is consist with 3 part.
Part A, B and C.
That's it.
Haha~
How fun it is to have someone like him to be a lecturer.

Ya, i know, u shant be this sarcastic.
But, do forgive me.
I learn what i can from him.
And this is his style during lecturing.
So, if i dont learn it, what else can i learn from him?
See, what an obedient student am i.
I should probably be awarded for the "Best Student of the Year".
Haha~
In my dream!

Well, forgive my rant.
I just need sometime to smooth my feeling.
I mean, with his little notes and tips, i cant feel the atmosphere of exam.
It's like, i'm on vacation.
Therefore, i need something like this to incubate the mood.
Ok?
And sorry if i've hurt you, Mr Lecturer.
=p
*
This few days, i had been doing nothing but watching dramas and movies.
And i had to say, this is the first time ever i watch finish a drama and movie in one month time.

Well, for those who know me, i really had no patience for drama.
And i cant finish drama in short time.
I mean that's because

I do get headache. And i dont know why.
I just dont want to finish the drama yet. Cause i cant the next one.
Sometimes it just simply because i'm lazy.

So, yea, that's why.

But for this whole week, i manage to finish one drama and two movies.
Which is kinda rare for me.
Even me myself got shock when i found out.
It's amazing?
Haha~

Anyway, let's hope my brain cells is still functioning.
And i need a freaking job!!!
*

2011年3月16日星期三

兔宝宝

那天，老妈子到宠物店去买食物给打架鱼吃。
不知为什么被她发现了一群好像刚刚出生，开眼睛的兔子。
你知我老妈的啦~
她就贪爽问了价钱。

那里的工作人员就告诉她，一只售价rm35。
不知为什么，老妈就应他，要一只rm25。
工作人员应该觉得有点为难，就转投向老板。

老板最初开始说不能减到这么低价。
最起码也给rm30。
老妈又敖了，说要rm28。
广东话来说，28比较吉祥，而且今年兔年，一定会很旺的。
老板最后也说不赢，就答应以rm28卖给我妈。
老板还说，这是他第一次以这么低价售出兔宝宝。

重点来了，我老妈子根本就不打算要买的。
只是贪爽问问而已。
而且也故意出这么低价钱来。
怎知老板领情，也答应了。

所以你说，我到底是不该开心呢？还是伤心好？
真的被我老妈搞到哭笑不得。

但，买了这只家伙回来后，也取名为Bunny，家里一家大小每天都跟着它跑上跳下。
这家伙超厉害，超聪明的。
家里的每个角落都被它探索了。
而且也知道哪里可以待着，哪里有食物。
有高处的地方，就一定会想办法爬上去。
不然就一直在原地，抬头高高看。应该是希望自己有天能站在上面。
冷天时，就会躲在角落，缩起来取暖。
天气热时，就会到处探索。
总之，它才来第三天，家里的每个地方已经留下痕迹了。

可爱归可爱。
就希望家里的人不会三分钟热度，后面就开始嫌它麻烦。
要照顾一个宠物，就要承诺，爱心，耐心和责任心。
就大家要好好照顾Bunny哦~

唉~
下个星期一就考试了，可是到现在还是提不起精神来温习。
为什么？

因为。。。
就不懂要读什么啊~
这个讲师平常上课时，就好像没有笔记似的。
就每天上课只是要我们懂脑筋，帮忙他解决问题而已。
那些问题有时根本就没关系到课程的。

所以结论，根本就不懂要读什么。

然后给的贴士又好像没给酱。
只是告诉我们，希望我不会再看到你们了。
然后就提早结束课。
你说，我到底要怎样才好？

好啦~
你就当作给我发泄一下。
可能现在酱发泄了，精神就来了。
加油咯！
*
唉~
生病了还要出去参访。
真的不心痛都不行。
但我能做什么？
就一直祈愿他的病能快点好。

亲爱的，要好好照顾自己哦~
已经病了两个星期。
我在这边很好。
也差不多每天很努力地安排台湾行程，和赚钱的方法。
你就不要常常太想我。
知道吗？

乖噢~

2011年3月14日星期一

Buddha bless me...

One down, one last paper to go!
Woohoo~~~

There's only two papers in this sem: Media Criticism and Principles of Journalism.
Today we had Media Criticism paper.
And it was quite easy, i guess.

Section A: I doubt that everyone can make it for 1000 words.
I squeezed every single bit of my brain to think of it.
In the end, i managed to write around 500 words.
Can i congratulate myself?
Haha~
Section B: Was quite easy of you really study for it.
And thank Buddha i did.

The paper wasnt really hard.
But more to opinion based.
Lots of opinion has asked and need to think carefully with what we learn.

Well, i might digress for some question, hopefully i score with my assignments and exhibition.
Buddha bless.
*
I went to Tanjung Malim during the weekend.
To attend his sister's wedding.
Well, no matter what had happened, still i would love to say congratulation.
Hope he will love you, treat you nice, be kind to you.
Most important, you have my blessing.

Didnt really get enough photos to show.
As i forget to bring my charger and i had to save battery for it to last for two days.
But we really had fun.
Especially with his brother.
I never imagine we will get along.
I mean we both met twice, but in a rush situation.
Then he thought i was his another NEW girlfriend.
Turns out to be, i changed my hairstyle and slim, he cant really recognize me.
Or maybe like this, cause both of us never had a time really seat down and chat, therefore he doesnt had an impression on me.
Oh well, either, you are forgiven.
Haha~

No matter what, i hope there's another chance to hang out together.
It was fun and memorable.
Till now, all those funny moments keep repeating in my mind.
Thank you so much =)
*
Too bad he wasnt there for his sister.
Many times i wish he was there.
To see how happy her sister was.
See how people are celebrating for her sister.
Most important, to show his love for her sister.

I know the timing was too rush.
And it was shocked.
No one had ever expect it.
He, himself even blame himself for not looking after his sister.
But in the end, he forgive himself and give blessing to her.
Still, i wish he was there.

Dear, you should know how we miss you there.
There are many jokes happening and i cant laugh it off.
They asked, why am i still with you, with chances like this?
But i told them, this is your future and we should trust each other more than anything.
That's why i choose to attend the wedding and be with you even you are far away.
Dear, do take care please.
You are sick again and i'm heartache.
I cant do anything but ask you to take care.
Just dont complain i'm busybody.
Haha~

Anyhow, dear, i miss you so much.
Wish you were there too.

2011年3月11日星期五

下雨天的星期五

早上起来就天色暗暗的。
心里有把声音告诉我，一定会下雨的。

果然，不久开始下起毛毛雨了。
在iphone下载了玩lomo的摄影。
对着外面天空拍摄。
还蛮美的。
有点暗暗，但好像很七彩的感觉。

我没把它存起来。
也没有特别的理由。
就是不想想。

好久没有享受这样的早晨了。
如果平常的话，这个时候应该是在学校里，然后开始有点小埋怨为什么要这样的天气，很让人超想睡觉啦~
呵呵~
可是今天没有课。
就待在家里，打算复习，然后应付考试。

考试啊~
此时好像都没什么重要了。
现在只是想听着歌曲，轻松地享受此气氛。
*
有两张专辑要特别说说。
最近都是它们在陪伴我。
而且百听不厌。

1. 陈奕迅的《Stranger Under My Skin》

陈奕迅是我唯一最欣赏的香港歌手。
虽然有时接不上拍子，听不懂广东话。
可是就是很莫名地，陈奕迅的每首歌曲我都会很小心地聆听。
哪怕是真的听不懂，可是他的声音就是会很紧紧地勒索我的心。

每次听完了，心里的涟漪还是迟迟不能退。
有时他的歌曲属于非主流，还是特别令人回味无穷。
我还是不大听得懂广东话，但有他那把声音，已经满足了。

特别推荐：《苦瓜》，《因为爱情》

2. 罗志祥的《独一无二》

罗主任，老实说，之前的那几张专辑，我比较中意几首歌曲。
一直以来我都不是很喜欢他唱舞曲。
当时的我会觉得他顶着“亚洲舞王”的头衔太沉重了。
沉重到唱起舞曲来，有点有气无力。
那些舞曲，就只能偶尔拿出来听听。
并不能长期一直听着。

可是这张专辑却有点明显地不同了。
尤其舞曲部分，有点进步了。
可能有进修吧~
或者他经历一些事情，开始慢慢聆听自己的声音。
当这张专辑上市时，我还有点吓倒。
他，实在不愧是罗志祥。

怎样都好，无论是舞曲，还是抒情歌曲，至少这张专辑，我会一直要重听着。

推荐歌曲：《独一无二》，《拼什么》
*
当你冷静下来，然后再把事情讲开，原来只是这么地简单。
感情也更进一步了。

是的，我敢说，至今那伤痕还存在。
我也尽量慢慢地让它愈合。
可是我深信，只要把事情讲开，然后再注入一点信任，这伤痕将会是美丽的教训。

事情说开了，也原谅了彼此，接下来就是要注意不让此事再发生。
因为谁也不知道，以后这伤痕会不会被撕开，变成一个腐烂的疤痕。

亲爱的，放心吧~
那些决定我也不会感到后悔的。
因为有你，也因为是你。
就算以后发生什么事情，我都不会后悔曾经做这个决定。
你就安心地在那边打拼吧~
还是最重要把学业放第一。
毕竟那是你的未来。
至于我这边，就由我自己来担忧好了。
好吗？

我好想你哦~

2011年3月9日星期三

Only Girl (In The World) by Rihanna

I want you to love me, like I’m a hot guy
Keep thinkin’ of me, doin’ what you like
So boy forget about the world cuz it’s gon’ be me and you tonight
I wanna make your bed for ya, then imma make you swallow your pride
Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I’m the only one that’s in command
Cuz I’m the only one who understands
how to make you feel like a man
Want you to make me feel like
I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only one...
Want you to take me like a thief in the night
Hold me like a pillow, make me feel right
Baby I’ll tell you all my secrets that I’m keepin’,
you can come inside
And when you enter, you ain’t leavin’,
be my prisoner for the night
Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I’m the only one that’s in command
Cuz I’m the only one who understands,
like I’m the only one who knows your heart, only one...
Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Oh make it last all night
Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Make it last all night
Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I’m the only one that’s in command
Cuz I’m the only one who understands
how to make you feel like a man
Only girl in the world...
Girl in the world...
Only girl in the world...
Girl in the world...
*
5 more days till final.
And i havent start revision.
Damn, i'm getting more lazier.

Yaya, i'll start revise today.
Starting from Media Criticism, since it's the first paper.

Looking at Ms Su's notes, i really do hope everything will stuff in my mind.
If could, cover all the sad things that is happening now.
I just need to stay strong, focus and look directly to all those notes.
Needless to say, I need to prove that i'm string enough to handle all this shit happening.

Come on girl, you're strong and tough.
Be proud of who you are and stop all those negative thinking.
Focus on your study and make yourself proud.
^^
*
Chat with him last night.
And we end our conversation with very unpleasant moment.

I start questioning myself, should i trust all those sayings?
Or stick to my own principles?
But things will change, right?

Sometimes i had to change my principles in order to make everyone happy and satisfied.
We've been together for almost 2 years.
2 years, that's quite a length of time i didnt expect.
I always thought to myself: you lost him once, you dont want to lose him twice.
Not in this way.

But i need to struggle with my principles too.
Made a promise to myself, and i broke it by myself.
I want to make him happy, if it has to hurt me in any way.
I want him to feel precious, if it has to take my soul away.
I want him to feel i'm sincere, if it has to cut my chest and see through it.

I dont mind being hurt.
I dont mind being sacrifice.
I dont mind being left out.
I dont mind being abandon.

As long he's happy, i dont mind anything at all.
So does that mean i had an answer?
I dont know.

But if it really does make him happy, i rather be blind and deaf, and there's my answer...

2011年3月7日星期一

无用。。。

最近都怪怪的。
尤其晚上睡觉发梦。
那些梦都好怪。
可是要说有多怪，我自己也说不上来。

就总而言之，早上醒来时，那个感觉还在。
虽然感觉会随着时间慢慢淡，可是就是怎么想还是会觉得怪。

不知道是不是压力。
是展览会的压力，还是考试的压力。
我自己也分不清。
但，我敢肯定，一定是压力在作祟。

有时起床时，眼角会有点泪痕。
有时就是被吓醒，然后要用好久的时间来哄自己睡觉。
有时被吓醒，就干脆躺在床上，什么都不想，呆呆地看着天花板。
有时甚至就把棉被盖过头，看自己能不能因缺氧而睡着了。

已经差不多有一个星期了。
心情的起伏也很大。
就连自己也要一点的时间来调整。

尤其在上个周末，整个人的心情简直是跌带低谷。
我很尽量的带着笑容，好让周围都不容易察觉。
可是怎样都好，你都骗不了自己。
自己还是非常清楚知道。

当时有股冲动，想开罐啤酒，大声地用摇滚乐来轰炸音响。
让自己沉醉在酒精，陷入疯狂状态的摇摆身体。
就是不要让自己清醒。
越醉越好，越痛越好。
总之就是不能在清醒的状态面对大家。

我不知道自己为何这么幼稚。
或说这么神经。
也许这也提醒自己很久没有在疯狂的状态了。
每天就是要与压力作抗。

也许吧。。。
*
刚刚提到考试了。
是的，就在下个星期一开始。
只考两张试卷：Media Criticism & Principles of Journalism。

Media Criticism就在下个星期一。
而Principles of Journalism就在下下个星期一。

两位讲师也给了贴士。
不不，算是给了吧~

Media Criticism给了考试的范围。
但Principles of Journalism只是说出题方式。
剩下就是废话。
唉~
讲师啊~
你还蛮厉害的。
到时真的如你所愿，我们都不会重读这科目，也不会再见到你了。

所以啊~
我要加油了。
严格来说，我只有三天的时间来温习。
三天时间来温习Media Criticism而已。

就加油啦！！！
*
真的很不好意思哦~
他生病了，可是我还在和我的情绪打仗。
甚至对自己催眠。

生病了哦~
我的心当然痛啦~
又不能及时在他身边。
只能在这边祈祷，祈祷他的病赶快好起来，甚至转移到我这里也无所谓。
就不能让他承受这些痛苦就可以了。

亲爱的，真的很不好意思哦~
我自己竟然没有第一时间察觉。
我真的很没用吧~
我不算合格的女友吧~
亲爱的，你自己要好好照顾自己哦~
不能再让自己生病了。
我的心好痛哦~
要喝多点水，吃药，休息多点，好吗？

2011年3月5日星期六

fml!!!

FML!
Why cant be a bit different with the other girls?!
Why must i always let my temper and impatient control me?!
Why cant i be more relax and see things more happily?!

I tired to change a lot of time.
I wish someone can slap me whenever my temper rise.
I hate this so much!

I cant breathe easily.
My face looks ugly.
I dont feel any luck or miracle happening.
I cant make a judgment rationally.
I cant think straight.
My mind is full with thoughts.
And sometimes i wish i would end all of this.

What can i do to make all this disappear?
I dont mind sacrificing myself.
I dont mind being a jerk.
I dont mind, even to end my life.

I just want all of this to end.
Please...
*
3/8/2011
Tuesday
10am till 3pm

Our class will be having an exhibition.
Our theme "Everyday"
Different groups are given a subject to take pictures with.
We are not using digital.
Instead we are using films, instant camera, lomo, etc etc.

Everyone are giving their best shot to present this exhibition.
It might be grand. It might be big.
But surely, it's ours.
We own this date and time, and we will rock harder like no one else did.

You live through everyday with different kind of events happening.
But have you really stop for a while and look at your surrounding.
Look who's serving you.
Look which color are coloring your life up.
Look how architecture breath with you.
Look how fashion define you.
Look what lifestyle are you living in.
Look how art makes your life interesting.

Come and explore it with us.
You might find inner yourself through the journey.

2011年3月3日星期四

今晚打老虎

每天早上，我都习惯开着英文电台，Mix FM，陪伴我上学。
尤其在赛车路段时，总是很庆幸有电台主持声音的陪伴。

今天他们的话题，刚开始听到时，还觉得没什么劲爆的，只是要大家说出自己内心最肮脏，最里面的秘密。
前面几位的听众的秘密虽然真的很“大开眼界”，但我个人觉得，也怎样都不比最后那位来的肮脏。

事情这样的。
这位听众，就把他称为K吧~
K和S已经结婚4年了。
K一直称赞他有个多么漂亮，多么善解人意，多么完美的老婆。
问题来了，K搞了婚外情。
而且，在他们还没结婚前，K就有这样的行为。
他还认为，自己能在结婚后专一，就只爱着他老婆一个人。
可是没想到，在这4年里，他并没有遵守自己的诺言。
反而还和无数的女生在一起。
4年了，他都没有透露一句。
他说，今天听到这话题时，他有感而发，想要说出来。

接下来，电台主持听到后，就认为这件事情应该要尽快解决。
所以就下定决心，拨电给S。
在一连串的广告和歌曲后，S终于听了电话。
电台主持也要K自己亲自开口承认自己的行为。
K也跟着指示，很坦白的对S一五一十地说出来。
当然接下来的，就是S在电话上哭了，也要K消失。
但我必须要说，我还挺佩服S的冷静。
虽然是激动到哭了，可是S还是保持着教养，并没有爆粗口或者一些诅咒之类的话。
只是一直要K消失，永远都不要再见面了。
电台主持也意识到事情的严重性，就赶忙off air，说这件事要在私底下解决。

听完了整段事情发生，我自己的内心的火莫名地起了上来。
我也不知道这件事究竟要责怪谁好呢？

说是男方，为何他会认为结婚后他就能定性下来？
难道他不知道有个词，“惯性”。
一旦你习惯了，你就会一直重犯。
为何你就不能对你老婆一个忠心好呢？
甚至还要和无数地女生在一起。
既然明知自己会犯错，当初为何要一拖再拖这段婚姻？
你已经白白浪费了人家的4年青春。
4年叻~
不是4个月，或4个星期，甚至4天，或4小时。
是4年叻！
你的良心是否在半夜时被狗吃了？
还是说，你天生下来就没有良心，只知道女人就是这么一回事。

说是女方，为何在拍拖时你就没有发现？
或者你知道了，也坚信自己能改变你的男人。
可是有些人就是这么地不值得原谅。
为何结婚4年了，你必须要通过这样的方法来得知你的枕边人，原来已经给你带了无数地绿帽？
4年叻~
你每天都与他生活，你每天都与他在同一空间呼吸着一样的空气，吃着一样的食物，甚至可能对方身上的痣长在哪里都非常清楚。
可是为什么你就没察觉呢？
还任由他这么放纵。
到处和女生合作，帮你带绿帽。
女人，眼睛不要只是看一个方向。
你必须得长大你的眼睛，细心观察一举一动，需要时，就严厉地讯问。
这是保护我们自己的方法。
虽然会被男人嫌弃，但这就是保护我们脆弱的心灵的方法。

最后我什么都不能说，毕竟我都不认识两位。
我只能把这件事当作看作教课。
提醒自己，也注意自己。
*
距离考试时间还剩下11天。
都不到2个星期。

可是我都还没开始温习，也还没去跟讲师讨tips。
每天就是差不多回到家，然后开电脑上网，泡连续剧。

唉~
等到接近了，就开始慌忙，然后开始自责为何不要早点温习呢？
呵呵~
好像每次都重复一样的动作哦~
=p
有点差劲叻~

但讲师的课都还没上，今天才刚刚最后一堂了。
讲师当然怎样都不肯透露啦~
所以就等下个星期。
下个星期一拿到tips，就立刻陷入读书状态。
麻醉自己，让自己沉醉在考试心态下。
然后持续在奋战的状态。
只要维持两个星期，我就能自由了！
哈哈~

好啦~
就让我这样一直发梦着。
=)
*
是的，12月18日至26日，我都会在台湾。
那到时就要麻烦他了。
我就要去打扰他的生活一阵子。
哈哈~

12月哦~
也比较接近他的毕业典礼，也许有机会可以去看看。

虽然住宿全部还在安排中，但希望一切顺利啦~
也在努力赚钱了。
不然去那边要吃什么，住哪里哦~

亲爱的，到时就麻烦你了。
要当我们的导游。
但你不可以太逞强哦~
也要看你自己的时间怎样安排。
放心啦~
还有，你星期五就要开工了。
你的脚伤口应该要愈合了吧？
那就还是要小心，不要在弄伤自己了，还真的替你担心呢~
最重要，要多点休息哦~
千千万万不能累坏自己的身体。
（在说下去就真的变唠叨了。惨了！才19岁而已叻~~~）

我好想你哦~

2011年3月1日星期二

Thank you so much =)

Came back from KL.
Went there to get photos shot for our exhibition.

Our group had choose "people" as our theme.
We focused on public servant or occupation that people might ignore them.
For example: doorman, ticker seller, concierge, sales person and many more.

The whole process was kind of smooth.
Well, there werent much people reject us.
Or let's say, because they were too shy to be in front of the camera.
Most of them are kind and they even posed.
A very big thank you to all of them.
You guys are doing the greatest things to serve us as a consumer.
Though it must be tough, at least we know there's always someone to make us happy.

And to my group mate, let's keep our spirits high up and get ready to rock the exhibition!
*